Blog of Gia Bennett
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Demons
I was running errands listening to my Godsmack Faceless CD.
Today, this song took on a whole new meaning to me.
I dedicate this to someone I used to know ... that I don't think is there anymore.
What do you see in the dark when the demons come for you?
If only you could have seen how fucked up my life used to be;
then everything starts to change, supposedly healing my pain.
I never thought I'd feel this way.
I never thought that I'd see the day I'd run away from anything or anywhere or anyone.
Its all these demons haunting me,
it’s all these little things trapped inside of me,
releasing me from all my sin.
Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together. Releasing the demons again.
And now I look through my minds eye and see where my past needs to rest.
Its always disturbed by these voices, that echo inside of my head.
Another way that I can hide,
another reason to crawl inside and get away from everything and everywhere and everyone.
NO! Its all these demons haunting me,
it’s all these little things trapped inside of me releasing me from all my sins.
Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together.
Releasing the demons....again (again).
Facing the days as I grow into my own, loving and hatings the same.
And three-fold I told you it comes back with laughter, over and over again.
Its coming back.
Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together.
Releasing the demons again
Friday, April 4, 2008
gone
I don't even know what to write. Just... I'm gonna be gone for a while.
I cried all night. I can't stop.
I cried all night. I can't stop.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
uuuuggghh... I feel like crap...
I was already exhausted. The long drive to Hilton Head in spring breakers and snowbirds heading back up north after Easter traffic, and quick one day vacation before heading home about killed me. We did have fun though.
We pretty much hung out on the beach all day Saturday. It was beautiful. Dolphins were playing just offshore for hours. The beach up there is just gorgeous. I was going back and forth between being under an umbrella and not. I just can't handle the sun like I used to. We went on a really long walk with my sister and her husband. We came really close to walking the 2 miles down the beach to my parents other condo, but turned around with about a half mile to go. I love the beach better at that condo, but love the area and marina and actual condo unit better at the new place. They are looking at buying a huge 2 story condo there at Shelter Cove. My cousins rented it last summer when we all got together. It was beyond amazing. I hope they get it. Rich, the kids and I are going back this summer and then again at Christmas next year.
Anyway, back to being on the beach. We went back after taking a break for lunch. We were just being lazy relaxing in the sun talking and laughing when a cool breeze started blowing. It was refreshing in the hot sun. Out of nowhere the wind kicked up whipping sand. It was ice cold! People were running gathering there things, umbrellas were flying down the beach, everyone packed up and left. I was amused with the chaos and noticed Rich and my sister still sitting also wrapped in their towels and not moving. After about 10 minutes of being battered I asked my sister what she wanted to do. She said she didn't care she was fine staying. We were all covered in goosebumps and it was getting colder by the second. I thought.... I asked the wrong person. I then asked Rich what he wanted to do. He said ...let's go. I suggested the hot tub back at the condo. They liked that idea. Steve met up with us at the hot tub. We stayed there and talked for quite a while. After that we showered and went down to the shops and ate at the Mexican place on the harbor. It was great food. Then we bundled up wanting to continue enjoying our only day there and walked to boardwalk area. It wouldn't have been so cold if the wind wasn't so strong...lol. We had a blast anyway. Rich even found a hard to find car for his Pixar Cars collection. We are like two kids in a toy store. :p We went back up to the condo and sat with Val and Steve chatting for hours before we all were so exhausted we went to bed.
On the drive home Sunday I got to drive my new car. I hated not being with Rich but we had fun following each other and talked on the phone alot. We stopped at the outlet mall in St. Augustine to see what they had on sale. I love the curtains my mom bought me from there and wanted to find some for my living room. We ended up wandering the whole mall. We get distracted easily. When we got back to Brevard we stopped at a car wash and washed and vacuumed my dad's car and my new one. We dropped by my parents house and thanked them for letting me use their
car so much. By the time we got home my babies were already there. It was good to be home. They love my new (used) car and Zack is thrilled to have my Grand Am. :)
Rich came home from work yesterday with a stomach bug. Now on top of being exhausted I am feeling queasy and my stomach hurts bad. I saw what he went though. I hope mine doesn't get that bad!!!
We pretty much hung out on the beach all day Saturday. It was beautiful. Dolphins were playing just offshore for hours. The beach up there is just gorgeous. I was going back and forth between being under an umbrella and not. I just can't handle the sun like I used to. We went on a really long walk with my sister and her husband. We came really close to walking the 2 miles down the beach to my parents other condo, but turned around with about a half mile to go. I love the beach better at that condo, but love the area and marina and actual condo unit better at the new place. They are looking at buying a huge 2 story condo there at Shelter Cove. My cousins rented it last summer when we all got together. It was beyond amazing. I hope they get it. Rich, the kids and I are going back this summer and then again at Christmas next year.
Anyway, back to being on the beach. We went back after taking a break for lunch. We were just being lazy relaxing in the sun talking and laughing when a cool breeze started blowing. It was refreshing in the hot sun. Out of nowhere the wind kicked up whipping sand. It was ice cold! People were running gathering there things, umbrellas were flying down the beach, everyone packed up and left. I was amused with the chaos and noticed Rich and my sister still sitting also wrapped in their towels and not moving. After about 10 minutes of being battered I asked my sister what she wanted to do. She said she didn't care she was fine staying. We were all covered in goosebumps and it was getting colder by the second. I thought.... I asked the wrong person. I then asked Rich what he wanted to do. He said ...let's go. I suggested the hot tub back at the condo. They liked that idea. Steve met up with us at the hot tub. We stayed there and talked for quite a while. After that we showered and went down to the shops and ate at the Mexican place on the harbor. It was great food. Then we bundled up wanting to continue enjoying our only day there and walked to boardwalk area. It wouldn't have been so cold if the wind wasn't so strong...lol. We had a blast anyway. Rich even found a hard to find car for his Pixar Cars collection. We are like two kids in a toy store. :p We went back up to the condo and sat with Val and Steve chatting for hours before we all were so exhausted we went to bed.
On the drive home Sunday I got to drive my new car. I hated not being with Rich but we had fun following each other and talked on the phone alot. We stopped at the outlet mall in St. Augustine to see what they had on sale. I love the curtains my mom bought me from there and wanted to find some for my living room. We ended up wandering the whole mall. We get distracted easily. When we got back to Brevard we stopped at a car wash and washed and vacuumed my dad's car and my new one. We dropped by my parents house and thanked them for letting me use their
car so much. By the time we got home my babies were already there. It was good to be home. They love my new (used) car and Zack is thrilled to have my Grand Am. :)
Rich came home from work yesterday with a stomach bug. Now on top of being exhausted I am feeling queasy and my stomach hurts bad. I saw what he went though. I hope mine doesn't get that bad!!!
I dealt with this long enough...
Was he showing off for someone with him? Does he not remember 3 days earlier? Is he covering for not talking with him?
Can someone please tell me how you can have a conversation with someone for about an hour on Thursday, both equally concerned about someone you love, share stories and concerns, agree that he will talk with this person when he is with him over the weekend to see if he can figure out what is bothering him ... then when I call Sunday night... I get screamed at and accused of all sorts of things. Here is the short version of what I simply asked ... Did you talk to him?.... "yeah". Well did you find out anything? Is he ok? ... "What does it matter? Why do YOU have to know?" Well when we talked the other night, we were both concerned and you agreed to talk to him.... "What, did you grill him for information when he got home and he gave you attitude so now you are grilling me?" No, I just came to you with my concerns and I thought ...
I just cried and said I didn't need his crap and hung up. I should have known he wouldn't have a talk with him. I should have known I couldn't go to him as a co parent with my concerns. Why do I continue to bother?
Can someone please tell me how you can have a conversation with someone for about an hour on Thursday, both equally concerned about someone you love, share stories and concerns, agree that he will talk with this person when he is with him over the weekend to see if he can figure out what is bothering him ... then when I call Sunday night... I get screamed at and accused of all sorts of things. Here is the short version of what I simply asked ... Did you talk to him?.... "yeah". Well did you find out anything? Is he ok? ... "What does it matter? Why do YOU have to know?" Well when we talked the other night, we were both concerned and you agreed to talk to him.... "What, did you grill him for information when he got home and he gave you attitude so now you are grilling me?" No, I just came to you with my concerns and I thought ...
I just cried and said I didn't need his crap and hung up. I should have known he wouldn't have a talk with him. I should have known I couldn't go to him as a co parent with my concerns. Why do I continue to bother?