Discombobfuckulation

I can't think straight. Not only do I have way too much on my mind, I have been dealing with constant neck and head aches. Money is a constant struggle, but thank God we make it each week. I put a lot of time and effort (and unfortunately stress) into figuring everything down to the penny to make sure we have what we need. The economy is f'ing with Rich's job and I am still struggling since my support was cut by a huge amount.

I worry Faery Wings won't do well with everyone in the country struggling to make ends meet. But I have a good feeling about it. I am almost done, I just need a bit more money for the payment processing and a few other things and it will be up. I changed the design many, many times. I went away from the clean stark white and went with earth tones. My design and coding skills are limited so I tend to get very frustrated.

After probably 20 different banner designs, I ended up with almost the same thing I had before, but with different colors. lol

Once I make a bit of income I will be able to add things I have created myself which Faery Wings will end up being more towards that. But it takes money. I have a plan... but need to learn patience! That has never been a virtue of mine. :p Meanwhile all my plans get jumbled up into a clusterfuck in my head. I got away from journaling and I really need to get back to a private one to keep all my ideas from colliding in my head. I am designing Faery Wings to have a journal so I can introduce new things when they happen. It will also have an RSS feed to alert new stock. I haven't decided if I'll keep the guestbook. I thought of having that instead of product reviews. I will also have a favorite links area to cross link some of my favorite places. ( like Rockangel's gorgeous faery art)
My goal is for the site to be up in the next couple of weeks. I know I sound grumpy and down, but actually I'm not. Just sheer frustration and exhaustion from trying to get the business going. I pretty much had to start from scratch from when I closed it before. Licensing, tax ID's ... everything.

Other than that and being broke things are going really well. I have come across so many of my old high school buds on Facebook. Every week I get more requests. Not only is there my old high school group, but there is even a group from my old neighborhood! Soooo many good friends I lost touch with. One has a house on the beach on an island near Charleston and a real estate business to rent out more. A group is gonna try and get together this summer up there. He asked me to come. I really think I'd like that. I also got an invite to go to New Jersey late summer to get together with my long time buds that run the WMA. I love those guys so much. I'd like to do that too. Rich wants to go to Boston this summer too. I don't think I've been there since the Lord of the Rings Exhibit. Wait ...was that one before the Star Wars exhibit? I went for both. I'm such a nerd. lol
My business needs to do really well or else I soooooooo need to win the lottery! doh!

My babies are doing great. Most of the stress that has plagued us in the last year has been lifted. Zack no longer has stomach issues. He is constantly busy! I told him today as he ran out for work after walking in the door from school I needed some Zack and mom time. We need to just go have fun. Apparently Meg saw him laughing and having a good time with two girls after the movie the other night. He hasn't done a lot of socializing since Michael moved in. I was glad he is back to going out. Mike is more of a homebody and I told Zack he didn't have to be one too.

Meg has a new boyfriend who is so much less needy. I think she was suffocating with the other. Plus the stress of his hormones that she wanted nothing to do with. I do miss him though. We talked a lot. I tried to get him to understand. :-/ Her new guy is talkative, funny, likes to act like she does, and gives her space! His parents are awesome.

Meg's new best friend is exactly like her too. The two of them together is just plain scary. They giggle about everything! I love Cassidy's mom and we have become good friends. The four of us spent a day at Cocoa Village and had a blast. She calls me her long lost twin. I can't wait to get together again. I just wish I had more money so she and I could go do girls night out together. We have a date next week though! lol

Romeo had another seizure the other day. This is his 4th in about 3 1/2 years, which isn't a lot, but since his sister died from them it has me worried. All I can do is comfort him till he comes out of them. Tina spent so much money on Cocoa and there isn't really anything you can do. My friend Diana also spent a fortune on seizure meds for her Yorkie and he still had them. I feel helpless about it at times. It scares the crap out of me when he is going through one.

Anyway, gotta go make dinner then I'm going to lay down and veg probably put in a movie ...

Life these days

I have so many things going on lately. At times I feel a bit overwhelmed.

I am getting Faery Wings back on track. I was too distracted when I had it up before. Didn't have a good game plan. I think I can make it work much better this time. The server I was using held all my info 'hostage'. Normally you can upload the site to FTP, then move it to the new server. There was nowhere to export the info. I even had my Coding God friend look at it... the bastards want to make it difficult for you to leave them. Well too bad. They were too expensive. I am on a great server now and even got a huge discount by using the code in the cnet review I read about them. I'm set for a year. Now to revamp, rethink, recode ... re-everything. I was upset I didn't do this in time for Christmas shopping, but my dear friend said to focus on 2009. I do have a feeling it's going to be a great year.

I'm also excited Logan is home for a visit. He was in Texas at Sheppard, but heads out after this break to Nebraska for his new job. He is gonna freeze up there and it's so darn far away. He is doing so well and says he actually feels like he is doing something right. He looks good and has put on weight and says he works out all the time. I am very happy for him.

I now am helping another one of Zack's good friends in trouble. He has been staying with us a lot through hard times, but I wish I could do more. He has lost almost 15 pounds off his already frail frame. Though we struggle day to day with money... I make sure there is always plenty to eat. We try and give him a happy place to come to escape the pain at home. Zack is so concerned for him. He knows how life can turn ugly and people you think you know can change all too well. I was freaking a bit about making ends meet and the added costs we have. Rich hugged me and said we would make it. He said "This is what you do. You took in Logan. You took me in, and now you are there for Michael."

Let's see.... on Thanksgiving my kids were with their dad. I was so happy Meg was well enough to go to her Aunt Julie's. I got frequent updates on what was going on through the day. I love that. I still get to feel connected to them even when I can't be with them. I love how close we are. :) The best thing I heard was that everyone kept telling Meg how much she looks like me. That must really chaff her dad's ass. lol As bad as he hates me and wants me out of his life, he has to see me every time he looks at her.
Anyway ... I had a great Thanksgiving. Lucille is an amazing cook and I was thrilled to get to see the Villages. My parents and Rich and I left early so we could ride around south Ocala to look at the gorgeous horse ranches. *sigh* I want land and horses one day. When we got there food was served shorty after. It came in courses. o... m... g... there was so much. I haven't seen Joey or Marie in ages. We laughed and had a great time. The meal from start to finish ... I think it was 2 hours of eating!

On Friday Rich and I got up and headed to Orlando to meet Chris at the convention center for the car show. We had a blast! Afterward we hit I-Drive and ate at a great place ... but the name has slipped my mind. The food was incredible. It was a gorgeous day so we sat outside. I really had a great time.

As we were leaving my mom called to tell me they were out of the Dyson vacuum she was getting me for Christmas at both Targets. I was so excited to hear I was getting one I told her we would hit a couple on the way home. We stopped at the Target by the Florida Mall first ... and the display was empty. We wandered the store a bit and I saw an employee and decided to ask. He said they were out. But as I turned around... there is Rich walking up to me with one in his hand! I squealed like a little girl. lol The purchase of the vacuum came with a $100 gift card. Since I needed a vacuum so bad my mom let me have it early. She said whatever we wanted with the gc had to go under the tree from her... even if we put our own money in with it. Rich ran to the Target by our house and came home with a camera! I squealed again. Mine has been broken for a couple months now and I have been having to rely on my phone camera. Even though I know what it is, I am still going to be excited to open it. I went years and years without gifts to make my kids Christmas special. I am exited to be getting gifts again!

Needless to say by the time we got home Friday I was exhausted. We had already made plans to meet Tyler's family in Cocoa Village. I just couldn't do it. My body was done. So Rich took Meg, Zack and Michael up there. They came home all chatty having to tell me all about the night. I was so glad they had a great time. Sue got a great pic of Meg and Tyler ice skating and sent it to my phone. I warned him Meg can't skate! lol Of course he spent the rest of the weekend at the house... as usual.

My mom had my extended family over for dinner Saturday night. lol Tyler is stuck like glue to Megan's side and over as much as possible and of course Michael too. We had a great time and took a walk down the pier just before sunset. It was beautiful.

We are busy getting the decorations down and putting them out. We got a new 8' tree the end of last year for $25! It's really nice. The other one pretty much died last year. I had always had real trees and really enjoyed them. But they got more and more expensive. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Tonight I got to have a great conversation with a dear friend on the phone. His Jersey accent kills me. I think we are heading up there for a visit next summer for a get together with some other buds. I had tears streaming down my face when we talked about Kip. I wish he could be there too, but it will be great to see everyone else. I can't wait!!!!!!

I have to stop getting distracted and get back to uploading my products on the server. I know I just rambled on. It probably makes no sense. lol

need new focus

I found a new less expensive server to move Faery Wings too. I also have been doing a lot of reading and going to promote it in different ways. I'm making a new blog to go along with it. I played around with this image to take my mind off things going on in my life.

Trying to get it together...

Making Strides is coming up. I'm trying to get a team together. This is the logo I made that will go on the team shirts. Knowing me I will probably change or tweak it before they are made... I'm never happy with what I do...





I'll be reopening Faery Wings soon and put that as a sponsor on the back of the shirt. A few recent events have made me realize I was too depressed to promote it, and I have a few doors opening.

I am also going to be doing some volunteer work for the Cancer Foundation. They are amazingly nice women who work there and gave me great information to get the help I need. Zack and Meg are going there this week to get volunteer hours. When I get a little money I'm going to donate items from Faery Wings for their auction.

It's past due time for a PET scan. I put it off because the co pay has gone up so high. But I need to get it done.

I'm so tired today. We all are. Just having a lazy day at home today after such a crazy busy day yesterday. I've been putting cold tea compresses and aloe on Zacks sunburn. My poor baby boy. Meg and Rich have headaches from all the crazy rides they went on. Serves them right for being such daredevils. lol I'm thankful Rich loves to ride roller coasters. I used to love them, but chemo has fucked my body up and I get sick as hell with most any motion now. I even had to sit in the stationary seats in Shrek 4D. I've become pathetic.

Thank God for Chris. We sat in air conditioning and sipped drinks while the daredevils played. Thank goodness for the wimpy rides too so I could have some excitement. Thank you Chris for such a great birthday gift. We had a blast. You are an amazing friend. It was exactly what I needed. Another huge thank you goes to your friend who got us VIP passes. It was so awesome to be able to go to the front of the line and not have to wait for anything! When people would look at us with our badges I kept thinking I would tell them Meg was a FORD model. (well she is!) lol I wish my camera wasn't broken so I could have some pictures of the day... especially when we were under Hulk looking up and Rich and Meg upside down! I had a great time and can't WAIT till Harry Potterland (or whatever they are going to call it) opens "next fall". lol

I hope we didn't wear you out too bad. I know I zoned out a few times, and didn't think I'd make it. But after our rests in air conditioning I felt better. I'll probably be in bed most of tomorrow too. But it's a price I'm willing to pay for having such a blast.

FW Widget

I worked on a widget to get my mind off of things. I was too worn out from running around town all day to do anything fun tonight. Tomorrow I'll be in Orlando. My daughter planned her own play day with her friends. Thank gawd they are paying their own way. Me and Chris can just veg and sip coffee while the girls goof off.

Anyway, here's my widget. I hope it works. I was so freakin confused making this! ...lol

Faeries

I am trying to get more vendors for Faery Wings. I desperately want to go to a gift and home show in Atlanta in a couple of weeks with my sister. But it just doesn't look possible. I may have to break down and get a business loan to get my store moving more. It's been such a slow process with no money to put into it.

I want to carry Munro Gifts (Faery Glen and Dragonsite) and Butterfly Fairies by country artists.

I got these two faeries for Christmas.

Zack and Meg bought me this Kitty. I absolutely love it!

Rich gave me this one. I had never seen it before. It is the perfect gift.

Just a few things ...

... going on the past few days. The kids were with their dad this past weekend and Rich and I were trying to get some more stuff done around here. With 4 furry animals, 5 birds and 2 teens ... cleaning is a constant battle. I used to be meticulously clean and even vacuumed daily. Let's just say with all the stress of the past few years I kinda lost the gumption to keep the house spotless. My parents were over again to help us steam clean the carpets. I answered the door and my dad had a handmade sign on his chest saying "maid service". I died laughing. They have been so much help to me. Later while my mom was bent over cleaning in the laundry room he taped it to her butt. I ran and got the camera. I just love Kodak moments! *laughs*

After they left Rich and I put more mulch down in the front flower beds ...(thanks mom and dad!) Then finally put the lighted reindeer and spiral tree out front. It looks so good with the white icicle lights on the roof, green in the low bushes that border the walkway and front flowerbed, and multi color wrapping the two palms in front of the window. It love it! So festive.

The bad news is when I was coming down from the attic I was facing forward and missed the last step or two and came down hard on my ankle. It was late afternoon Sunday and I didn't want to waste my money on the emergency room... so we elevated it and kept it packed in ice. It seemed to feel much better today so I sat at the computer to work. My foot felt like it was throbbing and cold like it was sitting in ice, but I kept ignoring it. By the time I paid attention it looked as if a golf ball was under my skin. Rich came home from work and brought me to the urgent care center to be x-rayed. Luckily it's not broken. I had to get a shot and they gave me pain pills. I was supposed to go buy a boot they wrote a prescription for but my insurance was gonna make me go all the way down to Hibiscus. I decided not to waste my time or money. I'll just stay off my feet for the next few days. Which will be tough for me.

I am really wanting a laptop right now too! I so need to get more done on my site. I have to finish meta tags on each item and I have been researching better ways (and free ways) to promote my site. I had 3 decent sales over the weekend and that got me majorly pumped to get more. The money I made has to stay in the paypal account because in January I have my site renewals and it will take pretty much all of it. I probably won't see a dime for a while because I need to reinvest to make more. But I am really feeling like my dream will be coming true in the very near future.

I can't wait. I want to give my babies the life they deserve. They have put up with so much in their lives and are the most wonderful loving kids I have ever met. We have always been so close and I have always treated them with the utmost respect. I never hide anything from them and have always explained everything going on in our lives. I was taught this from experts when I was diagnosed with cancer. They said it was so much better to be upfront then to leave them wondering and thinking things are worse. I really believe that is why they handled this divorce with such ease. So many kids are left in the dark about situations in their lives because a terribly misinformed parent thinks it's best to hide the truth from them. Then they are left thinking things are their fault and end up emotionally scarred. I find that very sad. My kids are well informed and able to make their own choices. Other than me and my husband having our own issues with each other and a few battles have broken out, things have gone very well. The kids love their dad very much and accept that there will be times we don't get along.

Anyway, I am very much looking forward to Christmas even though I am poorer than I have ever been in my life. I found ways to get the kids the things they want. (one way was to use money I got as a gift) I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd rather be a bit behind in bills then to disappoint the two most precious things in the world to me. Rich and I decided not to exchange presents because of lack of funds. But I will definitely find a way to have a little something under the tree for him. I had to tell friends I couldn't exchange this year and they were all understanding... as was my huge family who are all coming in on the 27th. It will be a blast having everyone together. My mom said when everyone is together we are going to discuss going on a cruise next Christmas as our gift. :) Sounds good to me!

Staying Motivated

I figured out an easier way to sort the products for the catalog and sort out what I want together. Yes, I am a dork.... but hey... I'm learning as I go. I can't wait till it's done. It frustrates me that getting this business together is taking so long. Lack of funds has been one issue and I put it aside almost giving up at one time. But something in me keeps telling me to push forward. I think once the catalog is done and adding the home parties will give it the boost it needs. Then I will have money for online ads and local advertising. You have to even pay Google and Yahoo to feature your website. Things will come together soon enough... I'm hoping just after everyone gets over the Christmas shock and is ready to start buying again.

Escape from Catalogs

I have made myself a crazy person from trying to put this catalog together for Faery Wings. (... wait... I already was a crazy person) So, I decided to take a break and play with Photoshop for a little while this afternoon. Hence, the new banner. For some reason playing in Photoshop for no particular reason... just to see what comes out of my brain is fun.

Using photoshop for this damn catalog when I have no freakin clue what I am doing and being overwhelmed with thousands of images isn't fun. I have resorted to printing out my contact sheets of products, cutting them out and trying to figure out what I want grouped together. Do I want all alike items together? Do I want it more like decorating and have what matches with what together? Or a mixture of both? Right now I am attempting the mixture of both. I am starting with the smallest group and have bath and body, baskets and bathroom decor images all over my bed with a notebook to try to figure things out in. Then I will set everything up on the computer. There has to be an easier way... but since I am learning as I go... it's freaking taking me forever!!!! ugh ... just like setting up the website did. I still have changes to make on that and I learned better ways to set up the meta tags so Google products can find them easier. *sigh* My brain is going to freakin explode.

Working away ...

... and hopefully it will pay off soon! There is so much to still do. I try my best to devote several hours a day to get through all I have to do, but I am have so many things going on every day especially with the kids it's hard to get my mind straight.

I've never been good and concentration. lol

I am very close to having things were I will be ready to start the Home Party portion of my business. Of course it will only be local, but I'm excited! I'm redoing the product listing on the website but it's almost done.

I am also talking to new distributors for a better selection.

But... this are looking up! :-D

original Faery Wings ideas

I never could get the look right. I like the simple look I finally came up with. :)

... on the Wings of a Faery

I made this image with Photoshop while taking a break from the frustrations of setting up my web site. I now use it on my site in the About me section. :)