Burning

...each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can’t strike them all by ourselves; just as in the experiment, we need oxygen and a candle to help. In this case, the oxygen, for example, would come from the breath of the person you love; the candle could be any kind of food, music, caress, word, or sound that engenders the explosion that lights one of the matches. For a moment we are dazzled by an intense emotion. A pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it. Each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul. . .You must of course take care to light the matches one at a time. If a powerful emotion should ignite them all at once they would produce a splendor so dazzling that it would illuminate far beyond what we can normally see; and then a brilliant tunnel would appear before our eyes, revealing the path we forgot the moment we were born, and summoning us to regain the divine origin we had lost. The soul ever longs to return to the place from which it came, leaving the body lifeless. . 

Quote from Like water for Chocolate

confused

Kinda in limbo right now. Not sure what decision to make, not sure if I am strong enough to go through with what I decide. Feeling a bit lost.

I wish I could blog about what is going on and how I'm feeling. But I feel it would cause more trouble than I can handle. Blogging is therapeutic for me. I can't even keep a secret journal because I fear the repercussions. How do I screw up my life so much? Where is the strong woman I used to be?

Demons

I was running errands listening to my Godsmack Faceless CD.

Today, this song took on a whole new meaning to me.

I dedicate this to someone I used to know ... that I don't think is there anymore.

Releasing The Demons

What do you see in the dark when the demons come for you?

If only you could have seen how fucked up my life used to be;

then everything starts to change, supposedly healing my pain.

I never thought I'd feel this way.

I never thought that I'd see the day I'd run away from anything or anywhere or anyone.

Its all these demons haunting me,

it’s all these little things trapped inside of me,

releasing me from all my sin.

Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together. Releasing the demons again.

And now I look through my minds eye and see where my past needs to rest.

Its always disturbed by these voices, that echo inside of my head.

Another way that I can hide,

another reason to crawl inside and get away from everything and everywhere and everyone.

NO! Its all these demons haunting me,

it’s all these little things trapped inside of me releasing me from all my sins.

Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together.

Releasing the demons....again (again).

Facing the days as I grow into my own, loving and hatings the same.

And three-fold I told you it comes back with laughter, over and over again.

Its coming back.

Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together.

Releasing the demons again

Don't think you can hurt me anymore...

"Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Hanky Panky???

YBOR CITY — A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members this past Sunday: Hanky panky every day. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth says the 50 percent divorce rate was the catalyst for The 30-Day Sex Challenge. “And that’s no different for people who attend church,” Wirth said. “Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way.” Oh, and the flip side of the challenge? No rolling in the sheets for the unwed. Church member Tim Jones and his fiancee agreed to take on the challenge, though he acknowledges it’ll be a tough month. But he added: “I think it’s worth trying to find out other things about each other.”


I actually giggled when I read this. First I thought.... good challenge! The divorce rate is too high and couples don't try hard enough to keep the relationship together. Life gets in the way and they allow jobs, stress and other factors come between them and their spouse. Communication fails, love fails... everything falls apart. Making time for each other and spending intimate time can make all the difference in the world.

But then I thought.... making a pledge to have sex every day makes it almost scheduled and could get monotonous. Showing love for your spouse should be everyday. I hope this challenge doesn't cause dread of "oh no... I have to do this" for those who take this pastors challenge. I do hope it sparks something in couples who have lost touch. I know that is when I feel closest to the person I love. It opens you up to being vulnerable and you share something s special.

I have had little experience with love and relationships. I only had one serious boyfriend before I met my husband and was with him for 24 years. So much was wasted. So much could have been done to save it. Lack of communication and no trust, misunderstandings and misjudgment made it all come crashing down. I will never allow that to happen again. It took a long time for the hardened walls of my heart to open again, but they have. Openness, communication, trust and showing love and affection on a daily basis is a priority... not only for my new relationship, but also with my kids.

The wonderful thing about being with Rich after being best friends first is it comes so natural. It isn't forced. I didn't have to make a list of rules, no demands, no you have to do this or can't do that. We accept each other for who we are. I found someone who actually cares about me and my kids. We never fight. We tell each other everything. He supports everything I do. I willingly and wanting to do the same for him. Sometimes I think... this is all too easy. There has to be something wrong. But there isn't.

So hats off to this preacher. Have sex as often as you can, love your partner and keep communication open and honest. Working for a good relationship isn't work at all... it's wonderful. (Loving each other multiple times a night isn't bad either ... lol) :-)