Blog of Gia Bennett
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Back in town ...
... but completely exhausted. Zack, Meg and I did have fun, but between worrying about my mom and Zack getting sick, plus having a soon to be ex who is completely useless ... I am beyond my limits. Especially with the new information I received on him. I really had a hard time taking his denial of understanding the papers he filed and the other bullshit he spews and broke down while on the phone with him today. The pain is more than I can take ... his deceit never ends.
17 comments:
Welcome Home.....but I'm so sorry you came back to a mess with the soon to be ex. We'll talk to this week. I missed you :-(
Thanks Chris. Miss you too.
To Karen... I know you realize there is a breakdown in communication. You yourself know how hard and frustrating it is to communicate with him. He is completely clueless as to what is going on in the divorce. When I tried to explain to him this morning he talked over me and was his usual asshole self.
I was willing to compromise and get this over with quickly. Forget it now. I will fight for everything that is rightfully mine and my kids. I don't care if this takes years.
I have responded via email. I do not feel that these public comments are appropriate. Thanks.
Sorry, but I did. He refuses to listen and compromise. I know you know what that feels like. I didn't reveal anything you said in your email to me other than there is a breakdown in communication between Julz and I. Which there is... and I am so sick of it. If you are offended by that I am sorry.
Julian refused to work this out civilly and go into mediation's instead of court. I won't bend one bit now on what I have asked for.
I only meant that not everyone should be privy to our correspondence, as it isn't anyone's business but ours. I'm not offended in the least.
:)
True, and I haven't talked to anyone about it. I was just so frustrated this morning when I got off the phone with him. He does NOT listen.
I'm glad you aren't mad. :)
I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I wish there was something I could do to make this easier, but the only thing I can think of is a hit man. If you feel like talking, let me know. This shouldn't be as hard as he is making it. Doesn't he realize the effect this has on his children???????
How is your mom? And now Zack is sick too? You sure have had more than your share of trouble this recently. :(
Karen, it was said in FUN. Even if my kids saw that they love Irene and know her humor. Don't be so serious. Zack and Meg have their own computers now and no longer read my blog. When we all shared one they would click on the link out of curiosity when we were all fighting and you posted very public things about their mom. They don't have it bookmarked on their computers and think we are all friends. something I stupidly thought myself.
Zack's health issue doesn't have to do with stress. Just because Julian says it does ... doesn't make it so. The doctor told me it was related to his DIET. With him being older now I don't have as much control over what he eats at friends houses and his many trips to McD's. Yes the kids are stressed about this divorce and wanted it handled civilly. Julian changed all that when he hired a lawyer and turned it nasty. Then again when he REFUSED mediation. The kids also know the truth about what went on in this house when he lived here and the circumstances in which he left and Rich came in. His constant lies about what happened also cause them stress. It just makes him look bad in their eyes.
My house is small and even behind closed doors you can hear conversations. They have heard mine and his all their lives. There is no hiding the truth. His constant accusations that I poisoned their minds against him is utter bullshit. I have never done anything of the sort. You yourself know that I want him to be more a part of their lives. I feel like we just went back 6 months in time. You are being utterly ridiculous.
Don't talk to me about my kids. I have done a damn fine job raising them ALONE. Julian was good to bounce ideas off of and held the same values I did... but wasn't anywhere to carry them out.
Yes, this is a public blog and MY blog ... so keep your opinions to yourself.
Irene, no it shouldn't be this hard. But you know from years of us talking that he cares for no one but himself. He is all talk about compassion for his kids but does nothing about it. Other people influence him in bad ways and he is a very lost puppy. I have never seen him this bad. I actually worry about him and his demeanor about life. I've tried to be a friend but his hate for me is unreal. Every core value he ever had has been thrown out the window and I don't even know who he is anymore. Yes, I get furious with him and write blogs like this or we argue ... but it's just because I am so sad to see who he has become. I am sad for the kids. I am sad that it all ended up this way.
I also wanted to add that probably no, I shouldn't be posting things like this on my blog. But I have hopes that maybe if he reads this in a public place that maybe some sense will snap into him. He talks over me on the phone... never listens. Hopefully one day his eyes will open and realize the world is not against him like he believes. When you treat people badly... you get treated badly. When you think bad things.. bad things come to you. You can't expect coworkers and bosses to treat you with respect when you have no respect for them. The same goes for your wife and anyone else in your life. I tried to help him for years and it all blew up in my face. The sad thing is... I still want to help him. I wish I could just shake him and scream ... "WAKE THE FUCK UP!"
Karen, all I can say is your letter hurt me very much. To accuse me of doing the very same things you do, but say you took the high road instead. Well, you need to take a long look in the mirror. How can I trust you when I get attacked in that manner? You KNOW he hates us being friends. You KNOW he twists things for his own agenda. You KNOW what he is like. Yet you throw yourself in the middle of our fight and I get the brunt of it? Forget it. I have way too much on my plate right now to be crying over a friendship that obviously wasn't there.
I'm glad you realized the comment was a joke. I assumed you would. Before I even met you, two very good friends had told me they planned to give me the very same thing as a 49th birthday present. I thought it was a riot, though I did love the day of spa pampering and upscale dinner I got as a birthday present instead. Even way back then, Rachel knew it was a joke, and she was only 8. I know how smart your kids are so I wasn't worried about that aspect at all. I would NEVER do anything to hurt your kids, I love them dearly and want only the best for them.
Unfortunately, Zack is probably going to have to learn about diet through his own experiences. Rachel went through the same thing. Especially when she moved out on her own, she completely ignored all the diet advice her rheumatologist had given her. She ended up having several very severe attacks recently which made her aware that she really does have to follow a healthy eating plan. I'm sure Zack will figure out which foods are harming him, but I know the agony you must be going through, having to just sit by and watch. You are one of the best mothers I have ever known, but ever kid has lessons they have to learn for themselves - sometimes with bigger issues than food choices. I'm sure it will all work out though.
It sounds like your ex needs some professional help. I'm not saying this to be nasty, I'm saying it for everyone's sake - yours, the kids, and HIS. Being that angry and hateful can eat a person up inside. I know he'd never take a suggestion from you, but if he has anyone in his life that he respects, the best thing they could do is suggest he get help do deal with all those negative emotions. It kills me to think how this is hurting you and the kids. I remember once hearing that the best thing a father can do for his children is to treat their mother well. You're such a wonderful, loving, incredible person, Gin. In spite of all you've been through, you continue caring about everyone else. You're one of the best friends a person could have. I wish there was something I could say or do to make this all go away. Jules has no idea of what a wonderful thing he has lost.
Awwwww.... thank you, Irene! That was sweet.
I do have incredibly great kids who are very strong and more mature than most adults I know. They never stop amazing me. I am a very lucky mom.
Yeah... with the whole food thing we all need to make changes. I am way overweight and along with the fact that I seem to be a genetic defect (lol) I really need to stress really good nutrition into their lives.
As for Julian not knowing what he lost... I have come to realize no matter how much I love him... he brings out the worst in me. Some how in break down of communication and frustration we ended up screaming instead of talking. Miscommunication and lack of any quality time together just made anger an hate replace love and the bond we shared. It's all terribly tragic and there are sooooo many time I wish I could go back and do things different. But I have learned to accept what happened and have moved on. I like "me" again. I no longer have mood swings ... unless he and I are fighting ... and I am able to freely have compassion for people when I was berated for it before.
I remember hearing Oprah once say that she didn't regret anything that had happened in her life, because it had made her who she is today. That was a very powerful statement for me. Just as with YOUR kids, Rachel is very mature and wise beyond her age. Our kids have somehow taken all the negativity and instead of turning bitter, they have developed a huge capacity for compassion and caring that far surpasses the average teenager. When I read her friends' blogs, the trivia that they worry about makes them seem like a different species. It's no fault of theirs - it's just that if the biggest problem you've ever faced is that the store is out of the color prom dress you want, then that's what you focus on. Our kids have had much bigger issues to focus on, but what amazing, incredible, people they've become. So much capacity for loving, and caring, such a huge ability to empathize with other people going through hard times. I wish their lives could be easier, but I am so proud of the three of them. (I should say four, though Paul, at 27, is no longer a child.)
Relationships require more than "love." There are people who can be toxic, and if you've given the relationship a good shot, you sometimes have to know when to throw in the towel and not let it continue poisoning your life. That's a very hard thing to do with a relationship that has been there for your entire adult life, and is responsible for the birth of your two precious children. But it sounds like you realize how badly this is hurting you. You said in another post, "When you think bad things.. bad things come to you." That's a perfect statement of the law of attraction. (The Secret) I hope you keep discovering and concentrating on the good things in your life, so you can move forward to a life of peace and joy.
Whew....what a week. I think you need a real vacation, the one to Hilton Head didn't sound particularly relaxing. Maybe you could get over to Disney World for a few days? At least you wouldn't have to worry about airfare....and maybe I could rob a bank and join you. (joke.)
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