Photos I take. Images I make. Sometimes a rare look into what lies within.
Blog of Gia Bennett
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sugar Daddy
.... I'm beginning to think I need one. Every time I think I'm going to make some progress in my life I hit a wall. At this rate I'm going to go from concussion to brain damage.
You have some really beautiful things. I hear you, though. Just when I pick up a second job, things slow down even more at the shop, if that's possible. I'm not making it at all. I'm not at all sure what I'm going to do. Next step is to find homes for my animals. The bird's already gone. The most heartbreaking part of all of this is that they don't deserve this. Neither do we, as a matter of fact. But... Keep on pushing onward and upward, I guess, as there's little other choice.
I have a feeling your store will do well for the holidays. I'll keep reposting it on FB and hope people click on it and start buying!!
You have a second job? I didn't know. What are you doing?
My store could do ok if I had a few bucks to advertise. I really don't have marketing skills. It's times like these that I wish I was still married because I think if things were different, we could have been an incredible creative team. I didn't have the confidence to be creative around him and was too focused on being a mom. Too late now, huh?
If I can even scrounge up $50, I'm going to try the Facebook ads. But I can't even do that these days. It would also help if the three of us had more than one car to share. I feel so trapped and it gets me seriously depressed at times.
It's very difficult to not take all of this personally.
I know what you mean about scrounging up the money for things, but you need to try and make that a priority. Easy to say, I know, but I think it will help your business a LOT.
I started cleaning a house for a wealthy business man once a week. He has found other jobs for me to do as well, and it keeps me busy Mondays and Tuesdays. I work 6 days a week, and fortunately I can set my own hours, so that's good. He's not there to get in my way, and I finish that huge house in about 5 hours or so. Fortunately he's not messy, but I do everything from laundry to dishes. He has a huge wine collection, and I clean and dust the bottles every week. Time consuming. I'm actually sore when I get done. 2500-300 square feet of sweeping, mopping, bathrooms, toilets, and dusting. I'm grateful to have the work, actually.
That is so cool to be able to do that. I'm sure it would be a lot worse if he had young kids or pets. It would take twice as long, I'm sure!
Feeling trapped is a horrible feeling. I am actually considering going to a therapist. I find myself crying almost every day now.
Wait... what are you taking personally? I hope not my statement about still being married. I do at times miss my family and wish I had him to ask art questions. I do think if we had both done things differently we could have gotten help and turned the nightmare back into a marriage. But it didn't happen that way and it was over before he even filed for divorce. He is a completely different person, and so am I. When he is involved I turn into a complete psycho at times. I am only that way to him. No one else makes me crazy. That's a huge sign we will never work out. lol Well, that and the fact he doesn't even like me and is so superficial he would never want my fat mutilated self anyway. :-/
No, hon. I meant in the most general sense. It's hard to not take it personally, when on top of your emotional struggles, you have to worry constantly about money.
As far as what "he who shall not be named" wants or likes? He's no prize. And he didn't ever have to fight for his life. You may have gathered some scars, but you kept on living, and hung in there for your kids. That makes you beautiful beyond anything he can possibly comprehend. That you get so upset is due to a lifetime of pain and indignity you suffered due to his abuse, never mind the pain and agony of the cancer. It's hard to comprehend a person with so little remorse for what they've done, even years late.
Thank you, and I know it's true. It's just hard seeing the fun side of him interacting with the kids and he is the first person I think of when I have an art question. I think it's time I get some counseling. I've put it off way too long. ... then get a Sugar Daddy! lol :-p
Girl, I think we all need some counseling. That is why I started my blog in the first place. I can't afford any sort of counseling, so I started the blog as a sort of group therapy. It really helped me for a very long time, until someone infiltrated it and started using it to hurt me, and even referenced parts of it to one of my kids. The bulk of it was printed out, to be used against me. How very bitter and sad does a person have to be to take something so very personal and helpful and do such a thing?
I found this... it was wonderfully written and really seemed to help me this morning. Where I have not yet found my voice here yet, I still gather strength and wisdom from my blog friends. You aren't all just a nameless faceless stranger on the internet. You are all real people, with real stories, with valuable lessons to learn from.
8 comments:
How is your online store going?
You have some really beautiful things. I hear you, though. Just when I pick up a second job, things slow down even more at the shop, if that's possible. I'm not making it at all. I'm not at all sure what I'm going to do. Next step is to find homes for my animals. The bird's already gone. The most heartbreaking part of all of this is that they don't deserve this. Neither do we, as a matter of fact. But... Keep on pushing onward and upward, I guess, as there's little other choice.
I have a feeling your store will do well for the holidays. I'll keep reposting it on FB and hope people click on it and start buying!!
You have a second job? I didn't know. What are you doing?
My store could do ok if I had a few bucks to advertise. I really don't have marketing skills. It's times like these that I wish I was still married because I think if things were different, we could have been an incredible creative team. I didn't have the confidence to be creative around him and was too focused on being a mom. Too late now, huh?
If I can even scrounge up $50, I'm going to try the Facebook ads. But I can't even do that these days. It would also help if the three of us had more than one car to share. I feel so trapped and it gets me seriously depressed at times.
I'm right there with you. That trapped feeling.
It's very difficult to not take all of this personally.
I know what you mean about scrounging up the money for things, but you need to try and make that a priority. Easy to say, I know, but I think it will help your business a LOT.
I started cleaning a house for a wealthy business man once a week. He has found other jobs for me to do as well, and it keeps me busy Mondays and Tuesdays. I work 6 days a week, and fortunately I can set my own hours, so that's good. He's not there to get in my way, and I finish that huge house in about 5 hours or so. Fortunately he's not messy, but I do everything from laundry to dishes. He has a huge wine collection, and I clean and dust the bottles every week. Time consuming. I'm actually sore when I get done. 2500-300 square feet of sweeping, mopping, bathrooms, toilets, and dusting. I'm grateful to have the work, actually.
That is so cool to be able to do that. I'm sure it would be a lot worse if he had young kids or pets. It would take twice as long, I'm sure!
Feeling trapped is a horrible feeling. I am actually considering going to a therapist. I find myself crying almost every day now.
Wait... what are you taking personally?
I hope not my statement about still being married. I do at times miss my family and wish I had him to ask art questions. I do think if we had both done things differently we could have gotten help and turned the nightmare back into a marriage. But it didn't happen that way and it was over before he even filed for divorce. He is a completely different person, and so am I. When he is involved I turn into a complete psycho at times. I am only that way to him. No one else makes me crazy. That's a huge sign we will never work out. lol Well, that and the fact he doesn't even like me and is so superficial he would never want my fat mutilated self anyway. :-/
No, hon. I meant in the most general sense. It's hard to not take it personally, when on top of your emotional struggles, you have to worry constantly about money.
As far as what "he who shall not be named" wants or likes? He's no prize. And he didn't ever have to fight for his life. You may have gathered some scars, but you kept on living, and hung in there for your kids. That makes you beautiful beyond anything he can possibly comprehend. That you get so upset is due to a lifetime of pain and indignity you suffered due to his abuse, never mind the pain and agony of the cancer. It's hard to comprehend a person with so little remorse for what they've done, even years late.
Years later. My "R" didn't seem to work on that last word. :)
Thank you, and I know it's true. It's just hard seeing the fun side of him interacting with the kids and he is the first person I think of when I have an art question. I think it's time I get some counseling. I've put it off way too long.
... then get a Sugar Daddy! lol :-p
Girl, I think we all need some counseling. That is why I started my blog in the first place. I can't afford any sort of counseling, so I started the blog as a sort of group therapy. It really helped me for a very long time, until someone infiltrated it and started using it to hurt me, and even referenced parts of it to one of my kids. The bulk of it was printed out, to be used against me. How very bitter and sad does a person have to be to take something so very personal and helpful and do such a thing?
I found this... it was wonderfully written and really seemed to help me this morning. Where I have not yet found my voice here yet, I still gather strength and wisdom from my blog friends. You aren't all just a nameless faceless stranger on the internet. You are all real people, with real stories, with valuable lessons to learn from.
http://www.writingtosurvive.com/files/scar_stories.php
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