Check this out ...

My friends put this video together. It is f'ing great.

I am going to vote on Tuesday and am still deciding. I had to post this because I thought it was put together so well, extremely clever ... and well... because I love my buds :-)

INCREDIBLE JOB GUYS!!!!!!!

It's on ...

The truth will set me free.

Stuff ...

I am excited to have my kids home with me today. I think we will head out and go do something fun. Meg spent the night with a friend last night but should be home soon. It was their weekend with their dad and I know they had a good time goofing off with him. Rich and I were up at the Avenues Friday night with Zack and Meg and their friends as we are most Friday nights. It is so cool how many friends they have and how well liked they are. Friday was more crowded than usual. Exams are over and everyone was celebrating. Most of the time we all hit a movie ... sometimes the same one... sometimes different. They were waiting for their dad to get done with work so it was best not to see one. Meg and her friends love to shop. She got alot of money for Christmas and is a smart little shopper. She knows how to look for good deals and doesn't spend her money frivolously. I always take a portion and put it in savings for them. We are heading out and seeking a job for Zack this week. Most of his pay will go into savings, but some will be spending money and some toward a car or insurance. Right now he is listed as a very part time driver and it is killing me. I can't imagine when he gets a car.

Things have been going great in my life. I am so excited about the future. My business plans are all falling into place, my kids are strong, loving and smart. My family is just amazing. I don't know what I would do without them. Rich and I are doing well. Alot of the problems and stress I had are disappearing. I am even beginning to believe my separated husband and I can get to a point where we can work things out amicably.

The look of Fear

I found out over the weekend a friend of mine's cancer is back. I just ran into her a few months ago and she was doing great. Last weekend, I saw her with her husband and son in Panera. She told me she was optimistic, but I could see the fear in her eyes. I know she hates being on chemo again. Being sick, hair falling out, not knowing if you are going to live or die. It really sucks. She is also stage 4.

She is on steroids this time and not reacting well to them. They were able to cut her dose in half. I told her I also had effects from them, but luckily they didn't make me sick. They made my face fat and round, put 35 pounds on me, made me irritable ... and many other things. I'm not sure why you have to have them along with some forms of chemo, but I told her if I ever have to do it again... I am refusing it. Give me the chemo ... but fuck steroids. Fuck anything that isn't being put in me to fight the disease. I can't even take a Benedryl anymore when I have an allergic reaction to something because they gave me a high dose IV bag of the crap for over a year "in case I had a reaction to Herceptin". When the reactions to Benedryl got worse, I was able to get a half dose. After a few times, I couldn't even take that. They finally cut it out completely. After about 6 months of being off of it, I got a bug bite and took a Benedryl tablet. I went nuts ... bad reaction. About a year ago, I had a weird rash and my doctor gave me some pills to help. I forgot to mention my problem. They had some antihistamine in it similar to the one in Benedryl and again... reaction.

Anyway... I totally got off the subject here. I can't get the look in her eyes out of my head. As we were talking, Rich and her husband were talking. I looked over at him to say something, and he had that same terrified look in his eyes. He just looked so lost. I looked at their son, who is the same age as Zack, and he also had pain in his eyes. I've often told Zack to talk to him. They have been through a lot of the same things.

I really need to do something for her.

How many times can an outreached hand be bitten?
A forgiving heart be pierced?
A loving soul torn to shreds?

How many times can one say they are sorry?
Plead for resolution?
Try to make amends?

There comes a time when you have to give up and let go.
Your heart can bleed no more.
Your soul is on the edge of death.

Your abuse echos in my ears.
Your hatred crushed my heart.
Your lies blacken my world.

Now she has taken it upon herself to judge me as evil.
To hate me for a warning.
To spread more lies.

She is so much like you
Full of anger and hatred.
Fueling your negativity.
Going in and out of nice and hate like Jekyll and Hyde.

There will be no forgiveness because the apology was empty, cold and meaningless.
You have hurt my kids.
I have no more trust in you.

If I reach for the olive branch, it will just end up jabbed in my heart.

Faeries

I am trying to get more vendors for Faery Wings. I desperately want to go to a gift and home show in Atlanta in a couple of weeks with my sister. But it just doesn't look possible. I may have to break down and get a business loan to get my store moving more. It's been such a slow process with no money to put into it.

I want to carry Munro Gifts (Faery Glen and Dragonsite) and Butterfly Fairies by country artists.

I got these two faeries for Christmas.

Zack and Meg bought me this Kitty. I absolutely love it!

Rich gave me this one. I had never seen it before. It is the perfect gift.