Blog of Gia Bennett

Blog of Gia Bennett

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The look of Fear

I found out over the weekend a friend of mines cancer is back. I just ran into her a few months ago and she was doing great. Last weekend I saw her with her husband and son at Panera. She told me she was optimistic, but I could see the fear in her eyes. I know she hates being on chemo again. Being sick, hair falling out, not knowing if you are going to live or die. It really sucks. She is also stage 4.

She is on steroids this time and not reacting well to them. They were able to cut her dose in half. I told her I also had effects from them, but luckily they didn't make me sick. They made my face fat and round, put 35 pounds on me, made me irritable ... and many other things. I'm not sure why you have to have them along with some forms of chemo, but I told her if I ever have to go on it again... I am refusing it. Give me the chemo ... but fuck steroids. Fuck anything that isn't being put in me to fight the disease. I can't even take a Benedryl anymore when I have an allergic reaction to something because they gave me a high dose IV bag of the crap for over a year "in case I had a reaction to the Herceptin". When the reactions to the Benedryl got worse I was able to get a half dose. After a few times I couldn't even take that. They finally cut it out completely. After about 6 months of being off of it I got a bug bite and took one Benedryl tablet. I went nuts ... bad reaction. About a year ago again I had a weird rash and my doctor gave me some pills to help. I forgot to mention my problem. They had some antihistamine in it similar to the one in Benedryl and again... reaction.

Anyway... I totally got off subject here. I can't get the look in her eyes out of my head. As we were talking, Rich and her husband were talking. I looked over at him to say something and he had that same terrified look in his eyes. He just looked so lost. I looked at their son, who is the same age as Zack and he also had pain in his eyes. I've often told Zack to talk to him. They have been through alot of the same things.

I really need to do something for her.

4 comments:

Mike said...

Do you know, when I read that post I got scared. I got scared for you, because that could happen to you too. It's kinda strange. We haven't even met in the flesh and I can't bear the thought that it might come back, that we may never get to meet. I can't even say the awful words.
*hugglies* I love you, my friend. Take care of yourself. I hope and pray your friend comes through all right.

ginnnnsane said...

I love you too Mikey!

I keep talking to Rich about trying to get to Texas one day. It's a big state and I think you are on the opposite side from his family. But we will work something out!

Also ... you know I am too tough to die :p I've been through alot of pain in my life. This divorce is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. It just keeps getting worse. I seriously think it will kill me before the cancer does.

Rich said...

Where Does Mikey Live?
The look in their eyes broke my heart as well.
I was at a loss for words...

I dont know If I could handle that my self But I do know I could Be strong and support Gin IF it ever came back.... But let me tell you something She is So tough I think it would be to damn scared to even think about sticking it ugly head back around here..


I love you Gin...

And yes call her and be there for her.. I think she would really like that... I reall think it would be good for both of you.

mike said...

Mikey lives down in Corpus, near the Redneck Riviera :p

You don't need to tell me how tough you are. I"m absolutely sure you'll live to see 90, you're so strong and too mule stubborn.

But it's still scary.

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