Love this...

I love his voice, and how flamboyant and theatrical he is. People were surprised he is gay? ;) That scream.... it's to die for!

What Have You Done?

Stand My Ground

Stuff

I haven't had the motivation to write lately. I am thinking about moving all my posts from here to my LJ. There really is no sense in having two blogs. At least there I can write how I really feel about things and not just have on the surface fluff posts. The problem is finding the time to move them over one by one.

Things have been very busy here. I have also dove back into my reading obsession. I had to get away from it years ago because I tend to stay up late reading or get nothing done in the day when I can't put a book down. I thought I had it under control but am back to being ridiculous. Tina brought me the first 3 Twilight books on Thursday night. When she stopped by yesterday afternoon to give me the 4th, I was already half way through the third book. I find myself up until 3am most nights. It makes my days much harder with so much going on every day. In the last 3 weeks I have read Wicked, Son of a Witch, Harry Potter Half Blood Prince, and Harry Potter Deathly Hollows, along with the Twilight series.

We joined Pro Health and Fitness and have been loving it! It was really tough for me at first, but am building strength and stamina. The gym is amazing! I have never seen a place that nice in this area. Each cardio machine, and there are endless rows of them, has it's own personal tv. I was on a machine... not sure what it's called... it's like a elliptical, but does stairs, walk and run cycles. I looked over as Meg was getting on the one next to me and said... I freakin hate this machine! The guy on the other side of me was laughing. Then he made fun of me for listening to my MP3 while I "read" my soap opera on the TV with closed caption. lol Hey, I can do both! Me and Meg love going in the hot tub afterward, and the steam room with eucalyptus has really helped my f'ed up lungs. Sometimes we go in the pool to goof off, but I really want to catch a water aerobics class soon. I can really see a difference in Zack. It's like he grew another few inches and his arms and shoulders are spreading wider. I need to try to go more nights when he goes for some Zack and mom time, but he meets friends there and has a good time with them.

Things are going really well for me despite the serious lack of money. But I can't complain. Life is good. :)

Hooker Mom?

I picked Meg up yesterday from her friends house in MI and she was so excited to tell me she saw a Barbie that looked like me when I was younger. She took a picture of the computer screen with her phone. The image was small but I did agree the face (and big hair) did resemble me in my skinny days.





We ran around so much and were gone all afternoon after that. I ended up coming home and puking in my sink because I couldn't make it a few feet farther to the toilet. I don't have a bug, just over doing it after chemo. So I had forgotten about her showing me that until I just sat at the computer a few minutes ago to check my email. I called her in here to see if she remembered where on the web she saw it.





It turns out it was the Cher Barbie ...

"She's dressed like a hooker."

"So I look like Hooker Barbie?"

"The face mom. The face! ... and you had big hair."

"Oh, that's Cher!"

"Who's Cher?"

LOL :p

Discombobfuckulation

I can't think straight. Not only do I have way too much on my mind, I have been dealing with constant neck and head aches. Money is a constant struggle, but thank God we make it each week. I put a lot of time and effort (and unfortunately stress) into figuring everything down to the penny to make sure we have what we need. The economy is f'ing with Rich's job and I am still struggling since my support was cut by a huge amount.

I worry Faery Wings won't do well with everyone in the country struggling to make ends meet. But I have a good feeling about it. I am almost done, I just need a bit more money for the payment processing and a few other things and it will be up. I changed the design many, many times. I went away from the clean stark white and went with earth tones. My design and coding skills are limited so I tend to get very frustrated.

After probably 20 different banner designs, I ended up with almost the same thing I had before, but with different colors. lol

Once I make a bit of income I will be able to add things I have created myself which Faery Wings will end up being more towards that. But it takes money. I have a plan... but need to learn patience! That has never been a virtue of mine. :p Meanwhile all my plans get jumbled up into a clusterfuck in my head. I got away from journaling and I really need to get back to a private one to keep all my ideas from colliding in my head. I am designing Faery Wings to have a journal so I can introduce new things when they happen. It will also have an RSS feed to alert new stock. I haven't decided if I'll keep the guestbook. I thought of having that instead of product reviews. I will also have a favorite links area to cross link some of my favorite places. ( like Rockangel's gorgeous faery art)
My goal is for the site to be up in the next couple of weeks. I know I sound grumpy and down, but actually I'm not. Just sheer frustration and exhaustion from trying to get the business going. I pretty much had to start from scratch from when I closed it before. Licensing, tax ID's ... everything.

Other than that and being broke things are going really well. I have come across so many of my old high school buds on Facebook. Every week I get more requests. Not only is there my old high school group, but there is even a group from my old neighborhood! Soooo many good friends I lost touch with. One has a house on the beach on an island near Charleston and a real estate business to rent out more. A group is gonna try and get together this summer up there. He asked me to come. I really think I'd like that. I also got an invite to go to New Jersey late summer to get together with my long time buds that run the WMA. I love those guys so much. I'd like to do that too. Rich wants to go to Boston this summer too. I don't think I've been there since the Lord of the Rings Exhibit. Wait ...was that one before the Star Wars exhibit? I went for both. I'm such a nerd. lol
My business needs to do really well or else I soooooooo need to win the lottery! doh!

My babies are doing great. Most of the stress that has plagued us in the last year has been lifted. Zack no longer has stomach issues. He is constantly busy! I told him today as he ran out for work after walking in the door from school I needed some Zack and mom time. We need to just go have fun. Apparently Meg saw him laughing and having a good time with two girls after the movie the other night. He hasn't done a lot of socializing since Michael moved in. I was glad he is back to going out. Mike is more of a homebody and I told Zack he didn't have to be one too.

Meg has a new boyfriend who is so much less needy. I think she was suffocating with the other. Plus the stress of his hormones that she wanted nothing to do with. I do miss him though. We talked a lot. I tried to get him to understand. :-/ Her new guy is talkative, funny, likes to act like she does, and gives her space! His parents are awesome.

Meg's new best friend is exactly like her too. The two of them together is just plain scary. They giggle about everything! I love Cassidy's mom and we have become good friends. The four of us spent a day at Cocoa Village and had a blast. She calls me her long lost twin. I can't wait to get together again. I just wish I had more money so she and I could go do girls night out together. We have a date next week though! lol

Romeo had another seizure the other day. This is his 4th in about 3 1/2 years, which isn't a lot, but since his sister died from them it has me worried. All I can do is comfort him till he comes out of them. Tina spent so much money on Cocoa and there isn't really anything you can do. My friend Diana also spent a fortune on seizure meds for her Yorkie and he still had them. I feel helpless about it at times. It scares the crap out of me when he is going through one.

Anyway, gotta go make dinner then I'm going to lay down and veg probably put in a movie ...

Topsy Turvy

Just feeling a bit nostalgic and extra scurvy "On the sixth of Januervy"

Daydream

Sun Breaks

Never Ending Saga ...

I'm beginning to feel it will never end. This perpetual nightmare is continuing on. He canceled the mediation. Now instead of private mediation we have to wait for an opening in the court... which will be months and months away. Then it still won't be final. Especially if we don't come to any agreement.

I really do believe he doesn't want this to end. When it does, that means he would be held to actual commitments. Not just to me and our kids, but to others too. That must scare the hell out of him. Right now he can do as he pleases with no strings.

Life these days

I have so many things going on lately. At times I feel a bit overwhelmed.

I am getting Faery Wings back on track. I was too distracted when I had it up before. Didn't have a good game plan. I think I can make it work much better this time. The server I was using held all my info 'hostage'. Normally you can upload the site to FTP, then move it to the new server. There was nowhere to export the info. I even had my Coding God friend look at it... the bastards want to make it difficult for you to leave them. Well too bad. They were too expensive. I am on a great server now and even got a huge discount by using the code in the cnet review I read about them. I'm set for a year. Now to revamp, rethink, recode ... re-everything. I was upset I didn't do this in time for Christmas shopping, but my dear friend said to focus on 2009. I do have a feeling it's going to be a great year.

I'm also excited Logan is home for a visit. He was in Texas at Sheppard, but heads out after this break to Nebraska for his new job. He is gonna freeze up there and it's so darn far away. He is doing so well and says he actually feels like he is doing something right. He looks good and has put on weight and says he works out all the time. I am very happy for him.

I now am helping another one of Zack's good friends in trouble. He has been staying with us a lot through hard times, but I wish I could do more. He has lost almost 15 pounds off his already frail frame. Though we struggle day to day with money... I make sure there is always plenty to eat. We try and give him a happy place to come to escape the pain at home. Zack is so concerned for him. He knows how life can turn ugly and people you think you know can change all too well. I was freaking a bit about making ends meet and the added costs we have. Rich hugged me and said we would make it. He said "This is what you do. You took in Logan. You took me in, and now you are there for Michael."

Let's see.... on Thanksgiving my kids were with their dad. I was so happy Meg was well enough to go to her Aunt Julie's. I got frequent updates on what was going on through the day. I love that. I still get to feel connected to them even when I can't be with them. I love how close we are. :) The best thing I heard was that everyone kept telling Meg how much she looks like me. That must really chaff her dad's ass. lol As bad as he hates me and wants me out of his life, he has to see me every time he looks at her.
Anyway ... I had a great Thanksgiving. Lucille is an amazing cook and I was thrilled to get to see the Villages. My parents and Rich and I left early so we could ride around south Ocala to look at the gorgeous horse ranches. *sigh* I want land and horses one day. When we got there food was served shorty after. It came in courses. o... m... g... there was so much. I haven't seen Joey or Marie in ages. We laughed and had a great time. The meal from start to finish ... I think it was 2 hours of eating!

On Friday Rich and I got up and headed to Orlando to meet Chris at the convention center for the car show. We had a blast! Afterward we hit I-Drive and ate at a great place ... but the name has slipped my mind. The food was incredible. It was a gorgeous day so we sat outside. I really had a great time.

As we were leaving my mom called to tell me they were out of the Dyson vacuum she was getting me for Christmas at both Targets. I was so excited to hear I was getting one I told her we would hit a couple on the way home. We stopped at the Target by the Florida Mall first ... and the display was empty. We wandered the store a bit and I saw an employee and decided to ask. He said they were out. But as I turned around... there is Rich walking up to me with one in his hand! I squealed like a little girl. lol The purchase of the vacuum came with a $100 gift card. Since I needed a vacuum so bad my mom let me have it early. She said whatever we wanted with the gc had to go under the tree from her... even if we put our own money in with it. Rich ran to the Target by our house and came home with a camera! I squealed again. Mine has been broken for a couple months now and I have been having to rely on my phone camera. Even though I know what it is, I am still going to be excited to open it. I went years and years without gifts to make my kids Christmas special. I am exited to be getting gifts again!

Needless to say by the time we got home Friday I was exhausted. We had already made plans to meet Tyler's family in Cocoa Village. I just couldn't do it. My body was done. So Rich took Meg, Zack and Michael up there. They came home all chatty having to tell me all about the night. I was so glad they had a great time. Sue got a great pic of Meg and Tyler ice skating and sent it to my phone. I warned him Meg can't skate! lol Of course he spent the rest of the weekend at the house... as usual.

My mom had my extended family over for dinner Saturday night. lol Tyler is stuck like glue to Megan's side and over as much as possible and of course Michael too. We had a great time and took a walk down the pier just before sunset. It was beautiful.

We are busy getting the decorations down and putting them out. We got a new 8' tree the end of last year for $25! It's really nice. The other one pretty much died last year. I had always had real trees and really enjoyed them. But they got more and more expensive. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Tonight I got to have a great conversation with a dear friend on the phone. His Jersey accent kills me. I think we are heading up there for a visit next summer for a get together with some other buds. I had tears streaming down my face when we talked about Kip. I wish he could be there too, but it will be great to see everyone else. I can't wait!!!!!!

I have to stop getting distracted and get back to uploading my products on the server. I know I just rambled on. It probably makes no sense. lol

Rest in Peace, Baby Enzo

We are completely and totally devastated by your unexpected loss. You had so much spunk and personality. I loved the way you listened so intently when I talked absorbing the sounds and then imitating them. You always brighten our mood and made us laugh. You were our baby.
Who will be there to nip at our toes? To entertain us with crazy antics? The house is going to be so empty without your little chatter ... telling us to "come 'ere", calling the kitty and Thumper, demanding attention, and so many other adorable things you do.

Who knew a tiny little green bird could be so huge in our lives.
We love you so much. You will always be in our hearts.

Spa Delight

My friend at the spa had given me a couple gift cards a few months back. I had thought of all kinds of ways to use them. When I couldn't get Zack and Rich in at our usual salon because they were booked so full, I decided to treat them to cuts at the spa with part of the GC's. It was tough getting them in there too, but luckily their evenings are a bit slower than day. Rich enjoyed free beer they have on tap for clients. He said the receptionist was helping herself to the free wine. lol We all used to do that from time to time when I worked there. The girl gave them great head massages with their shampoos. They came home happy and both enjoyed the experience. I was afraid the spa would lose business with so many opening in the area, but it seems to be doing very well.

I wish my body would co operate because I would love to work there again. But I don't think that is going to happen. I am working on detoxifying and building strength, but I have so many factors fighting any progression I make. As long as I work on it I hope to not get worse. The meds (and stress) have taken a big toll. I have to work twice as hard, and rest more often than before. I am determined to not let it take me down. Since I can't do physical work at a job, I am going to reopen my business. I found new avenues to take with it. I hope it works better this time.

I think I'll book some girl time at the spa for me and Meg now ...

;)

good news

I have been suffering from a migraine all day. Luckily it has eased up and I was able to enjoy laughter in a house full of love. Tyler was even over for a few hours. It's been a very nice evening. On top of it all I received some good news. Things couldn't be better.

I have been annoyed with a few things lately, but everything is coming together. I have let go of frustrations and am facing them head on. I realized I had to, and it seems to be working well. No one or nothing is ever going to control me again.

My angels are looking out for me. Rich and my family saw proof of it last week. I am a very lucky girl. I am often amazed at how truly blessed I am.

I am also very fortunate for wonderful friends. (yes Chris, I am aiming that mostly at you) I don't know what I would do without such wonderful people in my life. <3

The Scream

It looks as though Romeo is screaming for his life.

"get a breath mint"

I can't wait till we can get a camera. We have been having to use our phones for months now.

Zack won't let us take pictures of him.

I think Meg and I are going to hogtie him tomorrow for a few pics.