Long ass survey

I filled this out and now Myspace is being retarded so I am posting it here too. I'll try posting at myspace again in a bit.




The "Never-Been-Asked-Before" Survey

1. Do you sleep with socks on or off?
Off, I hate socks and have claustrophobic feet

2. Do you flip your pillow to the cold side?
over and over all through the night ... ahhhhhhh

3. Do you like to hold or be held?
Both! Love to snuggle

4. What do you do most when drunk?
it's always different... mostly laugh and get loud ... er... louder.

5.Do you want a small or big wedding?
If I could ever get over the pain of a horrendously failed marriage and divorce I would love a fantasy wedding... though I doubt I will ever go through with a legal marriage again. Right now I will be happy with a fantasy life with Rich :)

6. What type of guys/girls do you usually go for?
Love goofy guys. I have to have someone that can handle my goofiness because I am not a normal woman. I love compassionate men. Men who aren't selfish. Men that love the same things I love.

7. Would you rather be rich and unhappy or poor and happy?
Can't rich and happy be a choice? I've been poor and miserable and am now poor and happy... so I want a win win situation for a change! :p

8. What are 3 things you want to do before you die?
See my kids flourish with happy, healthy lives. Have enough money to see parts of America and the world I have always dreamed of seeing. Hope that Rich loves me enough to grow old and happy with me.

9. Have you ever churned Butter?
actually... I have!

10. Are you trusting of new people?
I always want to trust... but have learned the hard way to be wary.

11. If you could rate yourself as a good or bad friend on a scale from 1-10?
Depends on who you ask. Most would say I am a great friend. :) If you ask Tina... she thinks I'm terrible ...lol

12. If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would be the first thing you would do?
Find out why men think with their penises

13 & 14 are for suckersuhhh
... Ok

15. If your dream was to be a model and a big opportunity came up but you had to be nude, would you take it?
now... they would pay me to put my clothes BACK ON. 20 years ago... probably not either. Lingerie... bathing suit... yes

16. You and your friends are going to do a senior prank. What would it be?
uhhh... at my age a senior prank takes on a whole new meaning ... lol

17. What is the most money you would spend on a pair of shoes?
I hate spending alot of money on anything. Waste of money. Give me a cute pair of flip flops or maybe some high heel clogs and I am happy

18. If you found out a loved one had cancer and had 5 days to live?
make their days as happy as possible

19. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
eggplant

20. If you could choose to star in ANY play or movie you wanted, what would it be?
As long as my costars are Johnny Depp, Jeremy Irons and Jason Isaacs. I would be in absolute heaven.

21. Do you have more friends or more acquaintances?
acquaintances probably.

22. If you could win a couple front row tickets to a game, any sport any team, what would it be?
I'd probably give them away ...lol

23. Would you rather help someone out or be helped out?
Both equally. I usually end up helping others though.

24. If you had to choose to be a different religion than what you are now, which would you choose.
None - though I am Catholic I don't follow it completely. I have my own beliefs.

25. If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
I would die without the two I already have. Thank gawd I never had to make that choice.

----------------------------------------

1. Who were you with last night?
Rich, Zack and Meg

2. What woke you up this morning?
The alarm ... 7 am

3. Where are you?
My home/office.

4. How was your weekend?
Great! I missed my babies but Rich and I did alot of fun stuff. Even the crappy seafood festival in the rain was fun...lol

5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
YES! Rich, Zack, Meg, my dog, both my cats and my bunny. Now I'm feeling the need to go kiss my 5 birds so they don't feel left out.

The PAST

1.Ever thrown up in public?
MANY many times. Not just from drinking... I get motion sickness bad. I puke on the side of the road... off the side of boats... all kinds of places. :p

2. Passed out because of alcohol?
unfortunately... yes

3. What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
this survey is too damn long

The FUTURE

1. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
yes

2. Where would you like to live?
I love my house now... though I do dream of having a bit of land so I can have a horse, maybe a goat and some fuzzy chickens.

3. What kind of house would you like?
The kind filled with love and laughter

4. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I haven't decided yet

5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Happy, healthy and freakin out because my babies will be adults

ON MYSPACE

1. Who is your number 1?
Richard

2. Who have you kissed on your top friends?
I have kissed or hugged all but 3 on my top 16. I really hope to meet Jason, Joel and Maureen in person one day to do the same for them. They have been the dearest of friends and I forget at times that we have never met face to face.

3. who was the last person that left you a comment?
Tina... harassing me as usual... lol

4. Last person to message you?
Sean

4. Are you good friends with this person?
Sean is a sweet guy

5. How often do you log in to myspace?
At least once a day

IN GENERAL

1. Do you like candy necklaces?
yes!

2. When's the last time you fell or ran into something?
all the freakin time. I'm clumsy. Last night I ran into the wall trying to make it to the potty to pee in the dark

3. Do you still go trick or treating?
I still dress up and get excited about Halloween

4. What was the last thing you drank?
coffee

5. there is no question for number 5.
WHY?????????????????????????(ha! there was a question)

6. About how many people have you driven with?
I have been driving for over 26 years... how the hell do I know?

7. What are you doing this weekend?
my mind is blank... but I know we are doing something ...lol

8. Whats your favorite kind of soda?
root beer or cream soda... mountain dew... though I'm not a big soda drinker

9. Last meal?
a sammich

10. Last drink?
coffee - look about 6 questions up - who wrote this damn thing?

11. How many times have you eaten sushi?
a million zillion. I love the stuff

12. What do you want to do right now?
give Rich a smooch since he just got home from work

13. Are you listening to music right now?
nope

14. Are you with someone right now?
Rich just came home from work and is sitting next to me. Pootie (Meg) is here too, and Zack is in his cave playing Xbox live ... lol

15. What's a word or phrase that you love?
Bliiiiiind Giiiiirl!!!! (lol... I yell this every night for Meg to close the blinds :p)

16. How long until your birthday?
3 months roughly.

17. When were you the saddest in your whole life?
there have been a few really tough times in my life. I'd rather not go into that :(

18. What time is it now?
6:05

19. Do you think anyone will repost to this?
I dunno... it's freakin long! I'll be amazed if anyone if anyone READS this

20. What makes you pissed off?
stupid people, games, lies

21. Have you ever had a song written about you?
yes, I have

22. What song makes you cry?
some bring up sad memories

23. What song makes you happy?
Chris Browns "With You" only because my daughter likes it and she MADE me listen to it. I was like... what the hell is he saying?... youweee youweee youweee you.... That made her nuts so I sing it wrong all the time now. lol

24. What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
usually watch cartoons with Rich before bed... Futurama dvd's mostly...lol

25. Do you have a job??
I'm allergic to work... but I do run my own online store

26. What does Your CD player have in it right now?
actually I think Daughtry is in there

27. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
eggplant - didn't I already answer this earlier?

28. What makes you happy?
family

29. Height?
5' 8"

30. Hair?
long, curly, and dark with burgundy highlights

31. Piercings?
2 in one ear 3 in the other

32. Tattoos?
no

33. What are you wearing?
black t and black sweat shorts

34. What taste is in your mouth?
ummm... mouth taste? I dunno... I ate a Hershey Kiss a bit ago but I don't taste it anymore

35. Do you have a bad habit?
lots of them. The worst is I tend to get annoyingly hyper and loud... lol

Intolerance

I don't want to be hostile. I don't want to be dismal. But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existance either. See I want to believe you, and I want to trust and I want to have faith to put away the dagger. But you lie, cheat, and steal. And yet I tolerate you. Veil of virtue hung to hide your method while I smile and laugh and dance and sing your praise and glory. Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma as I smile and laugh and dance and sing your glory while you lie, cheat, and steal. How can I tolerate you. Our guilt, our blame, I've been far too sympathetic. Our blood, our fault. I've been far too sympathetic. I am not innocent. You are not innocent. No one is innocent. I will no longer tolerate you. Even if I must go down beside you. Because, No one is innocent.

Intolerance by Tool

Don't think you can hurt me anymore...

"Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Hanky Panky???

YBOR CITY — A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members this past Sunday: Hanky panky every day. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth says the 50 percent divorce rate was the catalyst for The 30-Day Sex Challenge. “And that’s no different for people who attend church,” Wirth said. “Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way.” Oh, and the flip side of the challenge? No rolling in the sheets for the unwed. Church member Tim Jones and his fiancee agreed to take on the challenge, though he acknowledges it’ll be a tough month. But he added: “I think it’s worth trying to find out other things about each other.”


I actually giggled when I read this. First I thought.... good challenge! The divorce rate is too high and couples don't try hard enough to keep the relationship together. Life gets in the way and they allow jobs, stress and other factors come between them and their spouse. Communication fails, love fails... everything falls apart. Making time for each other and spending intimate time can make all the difference in the world.

But then I thought.... making a pledge to have sex every day makes it almost scheduled and could get monotonous. Showing love for your spouse should be everyday. I hope this challenge doesn't cause dread of "oh no... I have to do this" for those who take this pastors challenge. I do hope it sparks something in couples who have lost touch. I know that is when I feel closest to the person I love. It opens you up to being vulnerable and you share something s special.

I have had little experience with love and relationships. I only had one serious boyfriend before I met my husband and was with him for 24 years. So much was wasted. So much could have been done to save it. Lack of communication and no trust, misunderstandings and misjudgment made it all come crashing down. I will never allow that to happen again. It took a long time for the hardened walls of my heart to open again, but they have. Openness, communication, trust and showing love and affection on a daily basis is a priority... not only for my new relationship, but also with my kids.

The wonderful thing about being with Rich after being best friends first is it comes so natural. It isn't forced. I didn't have to make a list of rules, no demands, no you have to do this or can't do that. We accept each other for who we are. I found someone who actually cares about me and my kids. We never fight. We tell each other everything. He supports everything I do. I willingly and wanting to do the same for him. Sometimes I think... this is all too easy. There has to be something wrong. But there isn't.

So hats off to this preacher. Have sex as often as you can, love your partner and keep communication open and honest. Working for a good relationship isn't work at all... it's wonderful. (Loving each other multiple times a night isn't bad either ... lol) :-)

Doh!

They can't fit me in for chemo until Thursday now. My days are all screwed up. I can't keep anything straight. The extra class and chemo were tomorrow, so I still needed to reschedule, but they are too damn busy! I forgot all the snowbirds transfer their treatments down here for the winter. I always schedule a month or two in advance... but when you have to change sometimes it easy... sometimes it's impossible. Lots of sick people in this area.

I may take Zack and Meg, then go do something fun in Melbourne afterward.

Affirmation thoughts for today ...


My life is a joy filled with love, fun and friendship all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open.

I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

I am at peace

I trust in the process of life

When I believe in myself, so do others

I am my own unique self - special, creative and wonderful

The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful

Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul


I sent these to a friend, but I don't think they helped. :-/

Quiet Night

The house is quiet tonight. The kids had a busy weekend and are now relaxing in their rooms. Rich is watching TV, and I was working on Faery Wings a bit. I'm about to go carry the birds in from the porch. We have finally settled on an aviary plan. Now to build it... I can't wait. It will be a bit smaller than planned but plenty big enough for the 4 of them. Enzo will be in it most of the time too... but he will also be an indoor bird.

Meg got home from Confirmation class not long ago. I have to postpone my chemo a day so I can take her to another class at a Melbourne church tomorrow night. It's almost over ... lol. So much preparation kinda makes you more nuts than excited about this. My sisters will be down. The one from Boston was just here for the week and she is flying back down that weekend to be her sponsor. It will be nice having everyone here again. I'll have a small get together afterward ... nothing fancy. Meg and I should start looking for a dress for her to wear.

I picked up Aristocats and Elizabeth the Golden Age last week and haven't watched them yet. I think I'll go veg on my bed and pop in the cartoon. I'm more in the mood for some humor and cuteness.

Life is too short ...

I heard Meg scream for me yesterday and I ran out on to the porch to see what was wrong. A bird had flown into the screen. I went out to check on it, but it wasn't moving. I felt so sad looking at the beautiful creature. It made me realize how fragile life is. How fast it can all be over. This delicate creature flying with his robin family just minutes before now lay lifeless. The only movement was the trickle of blood dripping from his mouth. I went and got a shovel and a towel. I wrapped him gently and buried him. I picked a hibiscus flower from the tree and laid it on the freshly disturbed earth. Some of the robins he had been flying with were still in my yard. I felt sad for them, I knew they felt the loss. 

Thinking over how short life can be, I was thrilled that my husband and I could communicate again and even reflected on the fact it was 23 years ago to the day that we agreed to marry. We have too much invested in each other for it all to end in hate. I'm so glad things are turning around for the better. I don't want to fight anymore.

Things are looking up in all areas of my life. The kids are so happy with the new choices we made, things are getting better for my business. Rich may even be getting a new job. The evil that haunted us for the past few months seems to be disappearing from our lives. I couldn't be more grateful.

Love is in the air ...

I am very much looking forward to Valentine's day tomorrow. Not for all the cheesy fake ways that the commercial side of it brings. But for the fact I can tell the people most important to me how much I love them. Yes, I do this on a daily basis anyway. Valentines Day just makes it more fun with sweet sugary gooey goodness.

To my babies... I love you with all my heart and soul. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.

To Rich ... I know it took us a long time to get to this point. After what I've been though I couldn't believe that someone could actually really love me. You have helped me through so much and have put up with so much. You finally broke through those thick solid walls I had up around my heart and soul. I am so glad you chiseled away over this last year and a half, because I have never known anyone to have so much trust, so much compassion, so much love to give. Now that I have finally given my heart to you I don't know if you will ever get rid of me! lol You love me for who I am, even with mistakes I make, I can be ME for once in my life. You are a very special man... romantic, loving, compassionate, and treat me like a queen. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to do everything possible to make you happy and make your life easier. You make me smile when I wake up, when you walk through the door after work, when we all 4 are in the kitchen making and eating dinner or playing games, ... with everything we do together. I love you.

Exhausted ...

Driving back and forth to Miami twice in one week is a killer. Last night she didn't get done with her audition until late and I finally dropped her off at her dad's at 1:30 am. That at least gave Zack dad time alone for one evening anyway. :)

I slept in late, but am going to not get much rest since my sister is in town and am about to head over to mom's to hang out. Some time in the hot tub might just be what I need.

I think Meg has a big chance at the commercial which means going back to Miami this week. I may have to get my parents to help me get a place to stay if they need her for more one day of the week long filming. I'm so excited for her.

Before she got called back... which took hours because there were so many people auditioning... she asked me to take her phone so it wasn't sticking out of her pocket. Lindsey texted back and was responding to her text about how many hot guys were there. I laughed. It was soooo true. I noticed her noticing a few of them. *hehehe*

My Heart Breaks ...

... for my babies. I wish so much I could just put them in a bubble to protect them from all bad things life throws at you. But then they wouldn't grow up to be strong adults. They are the most mature kids I know and can handle situations better than most adults. I have said this many times, I know. But it's true.

I am so thrilled they confide their everyday struggles with me. But it also tears me up inside. I want to race right in and make everything better, destroy what is causing my babies pain. But I know that will only make the situation worse. So I sit on the sidelines watching, reading the texts from them on my phone telling me whats going on when I am not with them, giving them advice and help when needed, and see them take care of the hardest situations kids today have to face on their own. There is a situation I may have to step in on, but right now I am waiting for the ok.

Life is tough for teens today. On top of the normal pressures my kids have to deal with their dad and I no longer communicating ... and the intense hate he has for me. It's all very sad. When the kids had these types of issues I could talk to him about it and he could give a different perspective. We always worked well like that. Now I can no longer go to him. Things have been so bad in the past few months, I have learned that Rich and I work well working out issues with them now. It sickens me that their dad has made this choice. I tried my best to keep our parenting together, but he chose to back away.

Our lives are going to change greatly in the next month. I think it's definitely for the better. I am looking forward to these positive changes. The kids are too :)

*EDIT*

I take back what I said. He does care. I think he always has, but is easily swayed by the wrong people. We talked and I think we made the right choice about the issues that have been haunting me for months now. I had pretty much already made the decisions but talking to him about them and getting his approval made things much more at ease. The kids are thrilled that we can communicate again and are excited about their weekend with him.

A Dangerous Mind

All I have to say is ...

... my daughter is nuts. lol

Got to have a mom and Meg day today and had a blast.

I can't wait to have a Zack and mom day.