Furry and Feathery

I have posted a few pics of my furry and feathery babies on this blog, but I decided to add my favorite pictures of them.

Romeo looks his best right after going to the groomer. The rest of the time he looks like a character from the Muppets!

This is Princess Figaro. We were mouse-sitting Cheato for a weekend and Fig was checking him out. Notice the priceless look on Cheato's face! Little does he know Fig is too prissy to eat a mouse. lol

Thumper is my baby. She calms me when I am upset. I call her "Sumpy" and that is one of the words Enzo says constantly.

This is my Thumpy when she was a baby!

This is Harley Davidson. He is supposed to be Rich's cat, but Harley loves me and Meg best. He is a psycho kitty and the complete opposite of Fig. They make me laugh when they chase each other around the house. One minute one will be chasing then they switch. I laughed my ass off (and wished I had a video camera on) when Fig was lounging under my coffee table and Harley snuck up behind her and gently touched his paw on her back as if saying "Tag! You're it!"

Bath time! That is Enzo aka Chicken Nugget in the back. Then Franco, Isabella (Izzy), Gypsy and Wrong Way. they are also a great source of entertainment and always seem to make me laugh. Enzo says all kinds of things and seems to only imitate things I say. Must be my wacko voice and the fact I talk baby talk alot. Franco tries his best to whistle the Andy Griffith tune but always screws it up. lol

This is Franco and Izzy with all their babies. We gave Spike to Zack's friend Chris, and Baby to my friend Bobbie Jo. I get to bird-sit Baby all the time. He loves coming back to see his family. I get to see Spike all the time because Chris's mom is one of my best friends. They brought him over for a family reunion a couple of weeks ago. :)

Franco and Izzy ignored the first egg to hatch. I took the baby and put together a homemade incubator for it. I hand fed it every two hours round the clock for 36 hours. It didn't make it. I should have taken it from them the minute I noticed them not taking care of it, but had hoped parental instincts would take over. They did well with each of the others. Each egg hatches every few days. It was an amazing experience to help raise these babies!

This is Bennie (RIP). She was such a sweet bunny. We didn't know when we got her that she was sick. We had her for more than a year. I did alot of research on her disease and did the best I could for her. I know Enzo misses breakfast with her.

This is my little dwarf hamster Pixie. After having him about a week I realized he too was sick. I took him to the vet and found out he had diabetes. I found a website online and found out what to and not to feed him. Instead of commercial hamster food I would go to the health food store and mix up my own recipe for him. Pix lasted almost 2 years. (RIP)

This is Bob the stray we have fed everyday for years. He still won't come near us but we love him dearly anyway.

Our new stray. I think he is scaring Bob away. I have to figure out what to do about that. We haven't named him yet but he is a sweetie. I am ridding him of his fleas and ticks and he seems much happier. :)

Isn't he cute???? We always have raccoons visiting trying to steal the kitties food. This one is checking to see if the coast is clear... lol

I love my farm and wouldn't have it any other way. :)

Update

My dad
My dad went into the hospital on Saturday morning. He is going to be ok. It was a warning to take better care of his heart. He had a scare recently with his diabetes so he was already changing his habits, but I think this will change his habits a bit more. He used to golf at least 4 times a week but they quit the country club when they moved on the river. I still haven't figured out why. I think his lack of exercise this past year has not been good.

New cat
The new stray let me approach it yesterday. When I was scratching the back of his neck I noticed ticks and fleas. The poor things skin seemed irritated by the bites. I went in the house and got a tube of Advantage and put it on the back of his neck. When I run to Walmart tomorrow I am going to get a flea and tick spray I found online that should kill the ticks he has and prevent new ones. It will also ward off mosquitoes and gnats. I hope he trusts me enough to spray it on him.... yikes!

Last Weekend
We were supposed to go to a car show on I-Drive on Saturday, but I ended up sitting at the emergency room for a couple of hours. Julz was nice enough to let me come pick up my kids to go see their grandpa on his weekend. I was thankful for that.

We had also already purchased tickets for Beowulf at the IMAX in 3D in Pointe Orlando. I felt guilty but both my mom and dad told us to go. It was amazing. I definitely want to see other movies there. Afterward Chris treated me and Rich to some sushi. It was some of the best I had ever had! The restaurant itself was beautiful and outside were bridges with Koi ponds all around. It was a great night to take some of the stress off.... for a little while anyway.

On Sunday Rich and I decided to work on my room. My big poster bed needed to be moved only about 6 to 8 inches. In order to do that we had to take it apart. It gave me a chance to clean really good. We ended up moving the dressers and everything to get every last dust bunny. By sliding the bed a bit it gave more room for a comfy chair by my bed. I moved my step machine in front of the window where I can look out at the nature preserve or watch the TV. It looks much better and more roomy! We are both sore as hell today, but worth it. (It sucks to be old :-p)

Soon to be ex
I called him today to tell him no more fighting between us. I just couldn't take anymore of his anger and hatred. It was making me not be me. I hated who I had become. The pain, anger, feeling betrayed ... it was just too much to bear.

I'm sure we will have very little to do with each other anymore, and that is probably for the best. I think the kids will suffer the most because I always communicated with him about things going on in their lives, problems with them, and most importantly the good things. I always wanted him to know what was going on because he could give them a different perspective on things than I could. Sometimes they would tell me he talked on and on and they lost sight of his point...lol... but that is how he is. Now he will only know what they chose to share with him... which is so little. He won't get what I talk to their teachers about, problems they are having, anything they wouldn't choose to bring up on their own. But it seems it has to be this way for the best of everyone involved.

I have a big issue right now that I have to make a decision on my own about. He made it clear he didn't want to know. I made sure I saved the emails where I tried to tell him (several times) for when he comes after me about making a major decision without consulting him.

New Male In My Life

Yes, it's true. I have yet another man in my life. As if I didn't have enough already.

*lol*

He is a stray. We already have one stay male cat we feed. We've left food out for Bob for ... I think 4 years or so. Now a new male has shown up. He seems much more tame. Bob still will not come near us after all this time. This new one is much more trusting. We haven't named him yet.

It's so funny because this cat will sit just a couple feet out of Romeo's reach when he is on his chain out back. Today Romeo was barking madly at the cat when he was trying to get to the food we left for him. I ran to get the camera... and Rome stops barking and acting crazy. Isn't that always the case? It makes me nuts. These videos are a bit more boring than what happened before I got the camera. But Romey it so damn cute I am posting them anyway.

Zack was opening the kitchen window. That's what Romeo is looking at.

The Magic of the Kingdom

We spent a marathon day at Disney on Saturday starting at Epcot and ending up in the Magic Kingdom until after midnight. Our dear friend Chris joined us as well as Zack and Meg's friends Lindsey and Michael. My friend Diana was nice enough to let me use her Navigator so we would all fit in one car. I need to get her lazy ass back to Disney with me.

Cute, huh? We were getting ready to head out the door when the girls ran over from Lindsey's house with this stuff on. Zack and I looked at each other and said ... do we have to be seen with them? *hehe* Apparently Kurt had a good morning hitting garage sales. I wish I could find stuff like that! No... the girls didn't wear that to Disney.

I didn't take pics of our day. Not sure why. I usually snap pictures like crazy. Maybe it was because the girls went one way, the boys another and the adults did their own thing. We kept in touch on cell phones but met up periodically through the day to ride stuff together too. It made a great day. :) When we all met up at midnight (except Chris... she wimped out early) ... we were exhausted! No one really wanted a picture but I made them pose anyway... lol. You can't really tell but the view down Main Street was breathtaking. Christmas decorations were already up.

Da girlie girls are always up for a photo opportunity. :)

The pictures Rich was taking during Wishes didn't come out quite as good as this one from another one of our trips. This one is perfection. Rich, Chris and I still watch the show in awe no matter how many times we have seen it. When Tink flew out of the castle I looked at Chris with the biggest smile and said ... I still get chills when I see her. I feel like a big kid. We love WISHES!!!

We made our way back to the car, drove home, crawled into bed with theme park filth still on us... and slept in late the next morning.

How Hallow Was Your Ween?

We had a blast. I can't believe it's taken me this long to post about it. Rich and I sat out on the driveway handing out candy. The house was decorated great. We even had a fog machine going. There were so many kids! There was a non stop herd for almost two hours! It's been a while since we've had one this active and was a refreshing change from the past few years. Neighbors I hadn't talked to in ages stopped to chat and we even reminisced about how when the kids were young we would all walk together pulling a little red wagon with pitchers of Margaritas and beer. lol It definitely made the long walk up and down the cul de sacs more fun while the kids ran door to door.

It was so busy I didn't get to snap good pictures. Here is one of the front of the house. The fog wasn't very heavy in this one.

This is a close up of my boyfriend. He had a black rose in is hand for me, but the kids were goofing off with it when I took this picture.

Romeo was so excited with all the commotion. This is the only picture I took of him and his costume is half hanging off. I'll have to put it on him soon to get a better pic. He is such a cute little Ewok. :) Rich looks mean as hell in this! lol

Of course my Meggie looked adorable! She was a witch and Linds was a faery.

Ok, Zack didn't dress up for Halloween. He and Chris went to see Saw 4 against my better judgement. But there was some drama in the neighborhood and Tina and I wanted the boys to stay out of it. Luckily things cooled down and nothing ended up happening. The boys were back by 7:30 and ended up walking around harassing the girls when they ran into them. lol

The story behind this bag happened a few nights later when I got back from Naples. Zack, Rich and I were putting away the groceries and Zack decided to put this bag over his head. I grabbed it and drew the cute little face on it. When I wasn't looking Zack drew the hand making such a lovely gesture and put it back on. I died laughing.

Being a warped mom, I found it to be a Kodak moment. :p

Me being the witch I am. I was actually just in regular clothes with a witch hat. I colorized this picture for fun.

Naples

Rich and I had an amazing time in Naples. This was Rich's first time there. I've been several times with my kids. My parents own a share of a condo which is where we stayed because they had to come home early and no one was going to be using it for the rest of their week.

It was a fun, busy and relaxing couple of days all in one.

This was the sunset on our first night there. Noel's bands were still in the area and made the sky look ominous! The beach was actually more beautiful in person.




The second night we decided to hang out at the pool. We were so tired from sightseeing all day we just wanted to relax. Here is one view from the pool.



Here was another. My photography is not the best. I was having more fun goofing off. :p



I caught him yawning... lol



I snapped this just before I got in the hot tub with him. You can see my hand in his glasses!



A picture of our feet while lounging enjoying the scenery.



The trees above us.



This is what complete and total exhaustion looks like.

Even with as tired as I was we ended up staying up super late. I had a couple of Sam Adams Black. I fell in love with that beer and I am not a big beer drinker (... or a drinker period.) It has a chocolaty caramel after taste and goes down so smooth. I also fell in love with an Oktoberfest beer that had a pumpkin spice. I can't find it anymore! I was going to stock up. lol :-P

Encouraging Stories ...

On this last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month I took a break from doing laundry to find this inspiring article sent to me by Rich. I love reading other women's stories of survival. It makes me realize I am not alone and encourages me to strive harder in life.

I know anyone that reads my blogs probably thinks I am a whiner, but the truth is I am far from that. I let my pain out on my blog to keep me from exploding. I talk with new cancer patients quite often to offer my own encouragement to them.

In my livejournal I have been more open about my ups and downs though I don't really write in there anymore. I try my best to write my thoughts down to one day put together a book. On this last day of awareness I am pasting a few livejournal entries. Each on a different level to show the range of emotions that go along with this disease.


strange morning

12:05pm 17/08/2004

mood: morose
music: Dream Theater _ This Dying Soul
I am slowly beginning to despise going into that IV therapy room. I've transformed from someone going in with a smile on my face trying to bring good energy and hope to such a bleak depressing atmosphere, to someone who just wants to forget where she is for a few hours.
I'd always bring a book and never get any reading done because I would talk to the people around me. Now I bring my CD player and book or even my portable DVD player and get lost in a movie. Rarely talking to anyone, blocking out the pain, misery and life being sucked out of everyone around me.
Luckily today no one was moaning or throwing up. One of my favorite nurses brought me in and I got settled in my recliner as she went to get my IV bags. She came back and said there was an order for full blood work on me. As she accessed my port that is surgically embedded under my skin above my right breast, she asked me what was going on. I told her about the health problems I've been having and all the tests I've been going through. I wanted to cry but when she was done and I was hooked up, I put my headphones on and relaxed laying back in my chair. I had my beloved Jekyll and Hyde CD in from the Broadway musical. My mind wandered in so many directions and my eyes kept watering. I fought off tears over and over again. I decided I was to emotional for J&H since it is so close in my heart.
As I was changing CD's, I noticed the elderly man across from me wanted to chat. He was telling me he only had 5 more treatments to go and he had enjoyed his experience because the people are so great. I have to admit, the nurses there are awesome. They keep us giggling and are very sincere in their concern for everyone. He asked how much longer I had with my therapy, I could tell he had been listening to me talk to the nurse. I answered "for the rest of my life". He looked surprised and then sad. One of the nurses made a joke about how I took up residence there. I see people come and go. Some people making it through treatment successfully and we have mini parties for them by popping bubble wrap and cheering them on. Some I watch progressively fading each time I see them until they finally pass on.
The gentleman was finished with his treatment and on his way. I was feeling the need to block out the world again. I had forgotten my book and didn't feel like watching only part of a movie since I now only had a little less than an hour left. I changed CD's and put in Dream Theater. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. My mind again raced to things I didn't want to think about. I opened my eyes and stared at the bag hanging above me watching it drip over and over again, amazed that 2 bags that look like nothing more than water could cost $2000.
Even through the music blasting in my ears I could hear the man next to me snoring loudly. I turned and starting looking around the room at the different faces. The recliners are set up in a long circle. No one looked happy, just bleak, blank expressions. Many were asleep. There were colorful afghans covering almost everyone because it is always so frigid cold in that place. Having Dream Theater setting the tone it was almost morbidly amusing to watch what was going on around me.
I was finally done. I watched the last few drips with anticipation. The nurse flushed my port, removed the needle and I was on my way. The drive home I almost felt numb, my mind almost blank. When I walked in the door of my home I broke down and cried.


hit by a truck...

04:26pm 12/05/2004

mood: depressed
... that's what I feel like. I got yet another call that an old friend has cancer. This makes 4 women I will now be consoling and trying to help them keep a positive outlook in the past few months. One of them, Donna, is dying. She was there for me 8 years ago when I went through my first battle. One day last year she showed up in the chemotherapy room as I was hooked up to IV's and they hooked her up right next to me. I held her hand as she cried and told me how they came to find her cancer that started in her bladder. I don't think she has stopped crying since. She has not been able to let go of the fear and focus on self healing. Her sister calls me in complete frustration about the fact that she does nothing but lay on the couch and cry day in and day out. Her cancer showed clear for a short time but returned with a vengeance. I tried to help... I feel like I have failed her. She said she wished she was as brave as I am. I'm not brave... this fucking disease scares the hell out of me! I fight the fear every day of my life.
Now I found out today that Arlene has it back. Our son's played baseball together the year my cancer came back. We would have long talks about it. She had breast cancer and chose to have a lumpectomy along with chemo. She often wondered if it was enough. Apparently it wasn't. She too found a lump in her neck just like I did. It has spread through her lymph nodes. But hers went a step farther. She has a spot on her lungs. It's really weird because I've lost touch with her and her hubby and I ran into him twice about a month ago. We had fun chats and caught up with what was going on in our lives. Weird coincidence that we got comfortable with each other again now that this has happened. My friend Lori that called me today told me she believes this is what I am meant to do. The chemo nurses have said the same thing to me. What exactly I am supposed to be doing is unclear to me. But knowing these 4 women have seeked my advice, my comfort, and my positive energy still amazes me because in my mind I am still so lost.


Life

10:32am 21/04/2004

mood: optimistic
I need to write more often, but just can't get focused.
I had a great time in Las Vegas. It was like being in "naughty" Disney World. I'm definitely going to try to squeeze a trip in this next year... I wanna go back! Maybe I'll look into taking the kids to the Grand Canyon and staying in Vegas for a day or 2 while we are out there. *ponders this idea*
So much is happening with me right now, it's hard to explain... but I feel good about everything. I think I'm starting to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel I've been in for the past few years. (no... not THAT light... lol)
Good close friends are still by my side even though I tried pushing a few away when I was at my lowest points. I actually had a woman I know socially come up to me the other day and tell me how much she admires me. I was in shock. This woman is on the board of everything and lives in a huge $1 million dollar home. I had another friend tell me the same thing a few days later when I ran into her in a store. My confidence level has been boosted ;)
I love life... I always have. I need to dump all these stupid fears and start being the person I am inside. Cancer and depression will not win.

Just a few days before that last entry I posted this ...

I met a woman when I was up at the school the other day. My son's teacher took her back in the office for a conference. A few minutes later the teacher came out and asked if I had a minute to talk. When I went back with her I found out this woman has a similar situation to mine (cancer). She asked if she could have my number. Well she called me today and we talked for about an hour. She wants to get together and have lunch so we can talk more.


Yes, I know most of these entries are from a few years ago. I've been going through this for years. I write in random places when I feel like it. Most of my things are in hand written journals. It has definitely been a journey. I'm very fortunate to have guardian angels, close friends, a supportive family and my dear babies who's love gave me life. All of which I would have never made it this far. I am also thankful for my estranged husband for caring enough to keep me on his health insurance, without which I would be dead. Though Rich wasn't with me in the hardest of times he keeps me sane now and has shown me unconditional support and love.

I look back on the years and could never be able to put into words what this disease does to a mind, body and soul. I've watched people I know wither away and die... some were close friends. I have had survivor guilt, chemo brain and depression. But I have also had many good things that I am very thankful for come from this. I am in remission and thankful for that IV bag of life I get every 4 weeks. The long term meds have taken a serious toll on my body and my health is not great... but I am alive.

I'm in Ewok Hell ...

I am trying my best to make my Romeo an Ewok costume. I have been struggling with it for the past 2 hours. I have no pattern... just a picture of an Ewok and some brown fabric. I'm definitely no Suzy Homemaker. Even though the seams were aways a mess, I made my kids costumes when they were little or threw together pieces from thrift stores and what we had at home. My kids are teens now and won't let me play and have my fun anymore! :p So I started picking on Rome last year. I dressed as a kitty and he was my punk pup. This year is a bit more challenging.



I sat down on the ground with him to figure out where to cut the face and ear holes in the fabric. This is not an easy task for a dog that has a mind of his own and listens to no commands what so ever! He decided attacking the fabric, rolling around and jumping all over me was more fun than being measured.



By the time I got a face cut out and got it over his head I was trying to trim off excess fabric so it would be easier to work with. He felt it necessary to sniff and try to lick the scissors while I was cutting , all the while turning in circles so I got to the point I didn't know what I was cutting off anymore... (no I didn't cut off his tongue!) Thank gawd Ewoks just wear a raggedy head wrap cape looking thing, because this is not going to be pretty. *laughs* I have to wait for someone to get home to help me hold him still. I also have to figure out how I am going to keep this ON the little brat. *sighs*



Here are a few pictures from last year ...

















Now I'm just waiting until 5 when everyone is home. We will be carving pumpkins tonight. I'm so excited! :) I love Halloween <3

Transforming Family

Zack, Meg, Rich and I all love Transformers so much that I surprised them with these silly pics when they got home today...

Here are the full shots ...

Aviaries

I really want to put an aviary as an extension of my back screened porch to give my birds flying room. I'm going to be buying the materials for it a little at a time because I can't afford it right now.
I saw two designs online and what I want is somewhere in between the two. It will have a ficus tree, tropical plants, little shelters for them, a mister for hot days and a heat lamp for cool days. I also want either a garden fountain or bird bath ... both of which I carry on Faery Wings and can get cheap. It would have a natural floor that can either be raked out or stones that can be hosed down to clean. The entrance would be from the porch just in case one of the birds escaped as you go in and out. Just on the outside of it I want a small Koi pond. All this will designed in a way so that when I can afford to put in a pool and jacuzzi it will be part of the patio design and all will be under screening. :) I have to move a small stone patio that my dad and I built, and my container garden about 10 feet over but all will look very cool when completed!!!!

I had a lazy night last night. The kids went to Octoberfest and had a blast. Rich and I decided to stay in since he had to get up early and work a few hours today. We laid in bed, watched Transformers and had a very good night. :) We are heading to Orlando with the kids and a bunch of friends tonight. I can't wait :)

I can't say I didn't try

Why did I accept the hatred and rage for so long? Why when I couldn't take anymore did I hold on to hope he would change? I was waiting for the man I married again. The man I gave up my dreams for so he could follow his. The man I pledged to love in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer ... in good times and in bad. No, I wasn't the same woman he married either. Having kids and fighting for my life changed me. I needed love and support. What I got was so completely opposite.

He told all our friends and acquaintances lies and half truths about me. Why? I don't know... maybe in his mind he really believed the things he said. Maybe it was to cover the fact that we both handled our problems in very wrong ways and he couldn't face what he had done. He was and still is willing to throw away years ... half our lives together ... like they meant nothing. No counseling. No facing the bad things that happened head on. Just shove it under the rug like it never happened.

Why did I hold out hope for so long through the last years of our marriage and even this last year and a half we have lived separately? I don't know, but I do know that it is a very common trend for abuse victims. If he doesn't want to get help that's fine, but I am going to get the help I need. It really scared me that the only two solutions I could come up with to end this nightmare was to move to another state so I didn't have to have this constant interaction with him... or for me to die. For two days I pondered over both. I will never ponder those thoughts again.

I opened an email this morning from a dear friend who knows I am upset. I just asked in an email to tell me I was strong enough to cut the ties and to never talk to him again. Her words hit me hard...
I KNOW you are strong enough to break from him if you totally put your heart and mind to it. This is one time I will tell you to focus on the negative-- all the misery he's brought to your life. Imagine what the last 10 years of battling cancer would have been like if Rich had been there instead of Selfish Teenager Julian. Think of all the heartache you would have been spared.

I've said it before and I will say it again. Rich has been an absolute Godsend in my life. I have been unable to fully give him my heart and kept him at friend level. He is the best damn friend I have ever had and he knew I was holding on to some hope for my marriage no matter how much I denied it. I tried lying to myself, and kept in mind how hard the last few years were. I would cringe and run to my room and hide in fear every night my husband would come home. I hid from the world. I hated life. But all the while hoping what we had once would emerge. This year and a half I had hoped somewhere deep inside that living on his own would open his eyes... but instead he is deeper into himself. It's all very sad. But out of all of this I find my heart aches most for Rich. For what I have put him though and he has always been right there at my side no matter what. I did need time to heal from my marriage. The pain was more than one can bear. But I am finally ready to give Rich my heart. I am no longer lying to myself about how I feel or fighting emotions for my marriage. I finally feel free. :)

....

Life is so confusing

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. ~ M. Scott Peck

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. ~ Anais Nin

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. ~ Dorothy Thompson

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished. ~ Marshall Rosenberg

Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus. ~ Wallace Stegner

Working away ...

... and hopefully it will pay off soon! There is so much to still do. I try my best to devote several hours a day to get through all I have to do, but I am have so many things going on every day especially with the kids it's hard to get my mind straight.

I've never been good and concentration. lol

I am very close to having things were I will be ready to start the Home Party portion of my business. Of course it will only be local, but I'm excited! I'm redoing the product listing on the website but it's almost done.

I am also talking to new distributors for a better selection.

But... this are looking up! :-D

Paybacks

My friend Tina thinks she is real funny sending pictures of creepy Halloween figures to my phone saying it's my date or my boyfriend. I just paid her back by taking one of the photos she sent and adding a picture I took of her a couple of Halloweens ago when I did her make up.

I posted it on her Myspace page. *wicked laugh*