Hanky Panky???

YBOR CITY — A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members this past Sunday: Hanky panky every day. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth says the 50 percent divorce rate was the catalyst for The 30-Day Sex Challenge. “And that’s no different for people who attend church,” Wirth said. “Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way.” Oh, and the flip side of the challenge? No rolling in the sheets for the unwed. Church member Tim Jones and his fiancee agreed to take on the challenge, though he acknowledges it’ll be a tough month. But he added: “I think it’s worth trying to find out other things about each other.”


I actually giggled when I read this. First I thought.... good challenge! The divorce rate is too high and couples don't try hard enough to keep the relationship together. Life gets in the way and they allow jobs, stress and other factors come between them and their spouse. Communication fails, love fails... everything falls apart. Making time for each other and spending intimate time can make all the difference in the world.

But then I thought.... making a pledge to have sex every day makes it almost scheduled and could get monotonous. Showing love for your spouse should be everyday. I hope this challenge doesn't cause dread of "oh no... I have to do this" for those who take this pastors challenge. I do hope it sparks something in couples who have lost touch. I know that is when I feel closest to the person I love. It opens you up to being vulnerable and you share something s special.

I have had little experience with love and relationships. I only had one serious boyfriend before I met my husband and was with him for 24 years. So much was wasted. So much could have been done to save it. Lack of communication and no trust, misunderstandings and misjudgment made it all come crashing down. I will never allow that to happen again. It took a long time for the hardened walls of my heart to open again, but they have. Openness, communication, trust and showing love and affection on a daily basis is a priority... not only for my new relationship, but also with my kids.

The wonderful thing about being with Rich after being best friends first is it comes so natural. It isn't forced. I didn't have to make a list of rules, no demands, no you have to do this or can't do that. We accept each other for who we are. I found someone who actually cares about me and my kids. We never fight. We tell each other everything. He supports everything I do. I willingly and wanting to do the same for him. Sometimes I think... this is all too easy. There has to be something wrong. But there isn't.

So hats off to this preacher. Have sex as often as you can, love your partner and keep communication open and honest. Working for a good relationship isn't work at all... it's wonderful. (Loving each other multiple times a night isn't bad either ... lol) :-)

Doh!

They can't fit me in for chemo until Thursday now. My days are all screwed up. I can't keep anything straight. The extra class and chemo were tomorrow, so I still needed to reschedule, but they are too damn busy! I forgot all the snowbirds transfer their treatments down here for the winter. I always schedule a month or two in advance... but when you have to change sometimes it easy... sometimes it's impossible. Lots of sick people in this area.

I may take Zack and Meg, then go do something fun in Melbourne afterward.

Affirmation thoughts for today ...


My life is a joy filled with love, fun and friendship all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open.

I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

I am at peace

I trust in the process of life

When I believe in myself, so do others

I am my own unique self - special, creative and wonderful

The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful

Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul


I sent these to a friend, but I don't think they helped. :-/

Quiet Night

The house is quiet tonight. The kids had a busy weekend and are now relaxing in their rooms. Rich is watching TV, and I was working on Faery Wings a bit. I'm about to go carry the birds in from the porch. We have finally settled on an aviary plan. Now to build it... I can't wait. It will be a bit smaller than planned but plenty big enough for the 4 of them. Enzo will be in it most of the time too... but he will also be an indoor bird.

Meg got home from Confirmation class not long ago. I have to postpone my chemo a day so I can take her to another class at a Melbourne church tomorrow night. It's almost over ... lol. So much preparation kinda makes you more nuts than excited about this. My sisters will be down. The one from Boston was just here for the week and she is flying back down that weekend to be her sponsor. It will be nice having everyone here again. I'll have a small get together afterward ... nothing fancy. Meg and I should start looking for a dress for her to wear.

I picked up Aristocats and Elizabeth the Golden Age last week and haven't watched them yet. I think I'll go veg on my bed and pop in the cartoon. I'm more in the mood for some humor and cuteness.

Life is too short ...

I heard Meg scream for me yesterday and I ran out on to the porch to see what was wrong. A bird had flown into the screen. I went out to check on it, but it wasn't moving. I felt so sad looking at the beautiful creature. It made me realize how fragile life is. How fast it can all be over. This delicate creature flying with his robin family just minutes before now lay lifeless. The only movement was the trickle of blood dripping from his mouth. I went and got a shovel and a towel. I wrapped him gently and buried him. I picked a hibiscus flower from the tree and laid it on the freshly disturbed earth. Some of the robins he had been flying with were still in my yard. I felt sad for them, I knew they felt the loss. 

Thinking over how short life can be, I was thrilled that my husband and I could communicate again and even reflected on the fact it was 23 years ago to the day that we agreed to marry. We have too much invested in each other for it all to end in hate. I'm so glad things are turning around for the better. I don't want to fight anymore.

Things are looking up in all areas of my life. The kids are so happy with the new choices we made, things are getting better for my business. Rich may even be getting a new job. The evil that haunted us for the past few months seems to be disappearing from our lives. I couldn't be more grateful.

Love is in the air ...

I am very much looking forward to Valentine's day tomorrow. Not for all the cheesy fake ways that the commercial side of it brings. But for the fact I can tell the people most important to me how much I love them. Yes, I do this on a daily basis anyway. Valentines Day just makes it more fun with sweet sugary gooey goodness.

To my babies... I love you with all my heart and soul. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.

To Rich ... I know it took us a long time to get to this point. After what I've been though I couldn't believe that someone could actually really love me. You have helped me through so much and have put up with so much. You finally broke through those thick solid walls I had up around my heart and soul. I am so glad you chiseled away over this last year and a half, because I have never known anyone to have so much trust, so much compassion, so much love to give. Now that I have finally given my heart to you I don't know if you will ever get rid of me! lol You love me for who I am, even with mistakes I make, I can be ME for once in my life. You are a very special man... romantic, loving, compassionate, and treat me like a queen. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to do everything possible to make you happy and make your life easier. You make me smile when I wake up, when you walk through the door after work, when we all 4 are in the kitchen making and eating dinner or playing games, ... with everything we do together. I love you.

Exhausted ...

Driving back and forth to Miami twice in one week is a killer. Last night she didn't get done with her audition until late and I finally dropped her off at her dad's at 1:30 am. That at least gave Zack dad time alone for one evening anyway. :)

I slept in late, but am going to not get much rest since my sister is in town and am about to head over to mom's to hang out. Some time in the hot tub might just be what I need.

I think Meg has a big chance at the commercial which means going back to Miami this week. I may have to get my parents to help me get a place to stay if they need her for more one day of the week long filming. I'm so excited for her.

Before she got called back... which took hours because there were so many people auditioning... she asked me to take her phone so it wasn't sticking out of her pocket. Lindsey texted back and was responding to her text about how many hot guys were there. I laughed. It was soooo true. I noticed her noticing a few of them. *hehehe*

My Heart Breaks ...

... for my babies. I wish so much I could just put them in a bubble to protect them from all bad things life throws at you. But then they wouldn't grow up to be strong adults. They are the most mature kids I know and can handle situations better than most adults. I have said this many times, I know. But it's true.

I am so thrilled they confide their everyday struggles with me. But it also tears me up inside. I want to race right in and make everything better, destroy what is causing my babies pain. But I know that will only make the situation worse. So I sit on the sidelines watching, reading the texts from them on my phone telling me whats going on when I am not with them, giving them advice and help when needed, and see them take care of the hardest situations kids today have to face on their own. There is a situation I may have to step in on, but right now I am waiting for the ok.

Life is tough for teens today. On top of the normal pressures my kids have to deal with their dad and I no longer communicating ... and the intense hate he has for me. It's all very sad. When the kids had these types of issues I could talk to him about it and he could give a different perspective. We always worked well like that. Now I can no longer go to him. Things have been so bad in the past few months, I have learned that Rich and I work well working out issues with them now. It sickens me that their dad has made this choice. I tried my best to keep our parenting together, but he chose to back away.

Our lives are going to change greatly in the next month. I think it's definitely for the better. I am looking forward to these positive changes. The kids are too :)

*EDIT*

I take back what I said. He does care. I think he always has, but is easily swayed by the wrong people. We talked and I think we made the right choice about the issues that have been haunting me for months now. I had pretty much already made the decisions but talking to him about them and getting his approval made things much more at ease. The kids are thrilled that we can communicate again and are excited about their weekend with him.

A Dangerous Mind

All I have to say is ...

... my daughter is nuts. lol

Got to have a mom and Meg day today and had a blast.

I can't wait to have a Zack and mom day.

Check this out ...

My friends put this video together. It is f'ing great.

I am going to vote on Tuesday and am still deciding. I had to post this because I thought it was put together so well, extremely clever ... and well... because I love my buds :-)

INCREDIBLE JOB GUYS!!!!!!!

It's on ...

The truth will set me free.

Stuff ...

I am excited to have my kids home with me today. I think we will head out and go do something fun. Meg spent the night with a friend last night but should be home soon. It was their weekend with their dad and I know they had a good time goofing off with him. Rich and I were up at the Avenues Friday night with Zack and Meg and their friends as we are most Friday nights. It is so cool how many friends they have and how well liked they are. Friday was more crowded than usual. Exams are over and everyone was celebrating. Most of the time we all hit a movie ... sometimes the same one... sometimes different. They were waiting for their dad to get done with work so it was best not to see one. Meg and her friends love to shop. She got alot of money for Christmas and is a smart little shopper. She knows how to look for good deals and doesn't spend her money frivolously. I always take a portion and put it in savings for them. We are heading out and seeking a job for Zack this week. Most of his pay will go into savings, but some will be spending money and some toward a car or insurance. Right now he is listed as a very part time driver and it is killing me. I can't imagine when he gets a car.

Things have been going great in my life. I am so excited about the future. My business plans are all falling into place, my kids are strong, loving and smart. My family is just amazing. I don't know what I would do without them. Rich and I are doing well. Alot of the problems and stress I had are disappearing. I am even beginning to believe my separated husband and I can get to a point where we can work things out amicably.

The look of Fear

I found out over the weekend a friend of mine's cancer is back. I just ran into her a few months ago and she was doing great. Last weekend, I saw her with her husband and son in Panera. She told me she was optimistic, but I could see the fear in her eyes. I know she hates being on chemo again. Being sick, hair falling out, not knowing if you are going to live or die. It really sucks. She is also stage 4.

She is on steroids this time and not reacting well to them. They were able to cut her dose in half. I told her I also had effects from them, but luckily they didn't make me sick. They made my face fat and round, put 35 pounds on me, made me irritable ... and many other things. I'm not sure why you have to have them along with some forms of chemo, but I told her if I ever have to do it again... I am refusing it. Give me the chemo ... but fuck steroids. Fuck anything that isn't being put in me to fight the disease. I can't even take a Benedryl anymore when I have an allergic reaction to something because they gave me a high dose IV bag of the crap for over a year "in case I had a reaction to Herceptin". When the reactions to Benedryl got worse, I was able to get a half dose. After a few times, I couldn't even take that. They finally cut it out completely. After about 6 months of being off of it, I got a bug bite and took a Benedryl tablet. I went nuts ... bad reaction. About a year ago, I had a weird rash and my doctor gave me some pills to help. I forgot to mention my problem. They had some antihistamine in it similar to the one in Benedryl and again... reaction.

Anyway... I totally got off the subject here. I can't get the look in her eyes out of my head. As we were talking, Rich and her husband were talking. I looked over at him to say something, and he had that same terrified look in his eyes. He just looked so lost. I looked at their son, who is the same age as Zack, and he also had pain in his eyes. I've often told Zack to talk to him. They have been through a lot of the same things.

I really need to do something for her.

How many times can an outreached hand be bitten?
A forgiving heart be pierced?
A loving soul torn to shreds?

How many times can one say they are sorry?
Plead for resolution?
Try to make amends?

There comes a time when you have to give up and let go.
Your heart can bleed no more.
Your soul is on the edge of death.

Your abuse echos in my ears.
Your hatred crushed my heart.
Your lies blacken my world.

Now she has taken it upon herself to judge me as evil.
To hate me for a warning.
To spread more lies.

She is so much like you
Full of anger and hatred.
Fueling your negativity.
Going in and out of nice and hate like Jekyll and Hyde.

There will be no forgiveness because the apology was empty, cold and meaningless.
You have hurt my kids.
I have no more trust in you.

If I reach for the olive branch, it will just end up jabbed in my heart.

Faeries

I am trying to get more vendors for Faery Wings. I desperately want to go to a gift and home show in Atlanta in a couple of weeks with my sister. But it just doesn't look possible. I may have to break down and get a business loan to get my store moving more. It's been such a slow process with no money to put into it.

I want to carry Munro Gifts (Faery Glen and Dragonsite) and Butterfly Fairies by country artists.

I got these two faeries for Christmas.

Zack and Meg bought me this Kitty. I absolutely love it!

Rich gave me this one. I had never seen it before. It is the perfect gift.