Sun Breaks

Never Ending Saga ...

I'm beginning to feel it will never end. This perpetual nightmare is continuing on. He canceled the mediation. Now instead of private mediation we have to wait for an opening in the court... which will be months and months away. Then it still won't be final. Especially if we don't come to any agreement.

I really do believe he doesn't want this to end. When it does, that means he would be held to actual commitments. Not just to me and our kids, but to others too. That must scare the hell out of him. Right now he can do as he pleases with no strings.

Life these days

I have so many things going on lately. At times I feel a bit overwhelmed.

I am getting Faery Wings back on track. I was too distracted when I had it up before. Didn't have a good game plan. I think I can make it work much better this time. The server I was using held all my info 'hostage'. Normally you can upload the site to FTP, then move it to the new server. There was nowhere to export the info. I even had my Coding God friend look at it... the bastards want to make it difficult for you to leave them. Well too bad. They were too expensive. I am on a great server now and even got a huge discount by using the code in the cnet review I read about them. I'm set for a year. Now to revamp, rethink, recode ... re-everything. I was upset I didn't do this in time for Christmas shopping, but my dear friend said to focus on 2009. I do have a feeling it's going to be a great year.

I'm also excited Logan is home for a visit. He was in Texas at Sheppard, but heads out after this break to Nebraska for his new job. He is gonna freeze up there and it's so darn far away. He is doing so well and says he actually feels like he is doing something right. He looks good and has put on weight and says he works out all the time. I am very happy for him.

I now am helping another one of Zack's good friends in trouble. He has been staying with us a lot through hard times, but I wish I could do more. He has lost almost 15 pounds off his already frail frame. Though we struggle day to day with money... I make sure there is always plenty to eat. We try and give him a happy place to come to escape the pain at home. Zack is so concerned for him. He knows how life can turn ugly and people you think you know can change all too well. I was freaking a bit about making ends meet and the added costs we have. Rich hugged me and said we would make it. He said "This is what you do. You took in Logan. You took me in, and now you are there for Michael."

Let's see.... on Thanksgiving my kids were with their dad. I was so happy Meg was well enough to go to her Aunt Julie's. I got frequent updates on what was going on through the day. I love that. I still get to feel connected to them even when I can't be with them. I love how close we are. :) The best thing I heard was that everyone kept telling Meg how much she looks like me. That must really chaff her dad's ass. lol As bad as he hates me and wants me out of his life, he has to see me every time he looks at her.
Anyway ... I had a great Thanksgiving. Lucille is an amazing cook and I was thrilled to get to see the Villages. My parents and Rich and I left early so we could ride around south Ocala to look at the gorgeous horse ranches. *sigh* I want land and horses one day. When we got there food was served shorty after. It came in courses. o... m... g... there was so much. I haven't seen Joey or Marie in ages. We laughed and had a great time. The meal from start to finish ... I think it was 2 hours of eating!

On Friday Rich and I got up and headed to Orlando to meet Chris at the convention center for the car show. We had a blast! Afterward we hit I-Drive and ate at a great place ... but the name has slipped my mind. The food was incredible. It was a gorgeous day so we sat outside. I really had a great time.

As we were leaving my mom called to tell me they were out of the Dyson vacuum she was getting me for Christmas at both Targets. I was so excited to hear I was getting one I told her we would hit a couple on the way home. We stopped at the Target by the Florida Mall first ... and the display was empty. We wandered the store a bit and I saw an employee and decided to ask. He said they were out. But as I turned around... there is Rich walking up to me with one in his hand! I squealed like a little girl. lol The purchase of the vacuum came with a $100 gift card. Since I needed a vacuum so bad my mom let me have it early. She said whatever we wanted with the gc had to go under the tree from her... even if we put our own money in with it. Rich ran to the Target by our house and came home with a camera! I squealed again. Mine has been broken for a couple months now and I have been having to rely on my phone camera. Even though I know what it is, I am still going to be excited to open it. I went years and years without gifts to make my kids Christmas special. I am exited to be getting gifts again!

Needless to say by the time we got home Friday I was exhausted. We had already made plans to meet Tyler's family in Cocoa Village. I just couldn't do it. My body was done. So Rich took Meg, Zack and Michael up there. They came home all chatty having to tell me all about the night. I was so glad they had a great time. Sue got a great pic of Meg and Tyler ice skating and sent it to my phone. I warned him Meg can't skate! lol Of course he spent the rest of the weekend at the house... as usual.

My mom had my extended family over for dinner Saturday night. lol Tyler is stuck like glue to Megan's side and over as much as possible and of course Michael too. We had a great time and took a walk down the pier just before sunset. It was beautiful.

We are busy getting the decorations down and putting them out. We got a new 8' tree the end of last year for $25! It's really nice. The other one pretty much died last year. I had always had real trees and really enjoyed them. But they got more and more expensive. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Tonight I got to have a great conversation with a dear friend on the phone. His Jersey accent kills me. I think we are heading up there for a visit next summer for a get together with some other buds. I had tears streaming down my face when we talked about Kip. I wish he could be there too, but it will be great to see everyone else. I can't wait!!!!!!

I have to stop getting distracted and get back to uploading my products on the server. I know I just rambled on. It probably makes no sense. lol

Rest in Peace, Baby Enzo

We are completely and totally devastated by your unexpected loss. You had so much spunk and personality. I loved the way you listened so intently when I talked absorbing the sounds and then imitating them. You always brighten our mood and made us laugh. You were our baby.
Who will be there to nip at our toes? To entertain us with crazy antics? The house is going to be so empty without your little chatter ... telling us to "come 'ere", calling the kitty and Thumper, demanding attention, and so many other adorable things you do.

Who knew a tiny little green bird could be so huge in our lives.
We love you so much. You will always be in our hearts.

Spa Delight

My friend at the spa had given me a couple gift cards a few months back. I had thought of all kinds of ways to use them. When I couldn't get Zack and Rich in at our usual salon because they were booked so full, I decided to treat them to cuts at the spa with part of the GC's. It was tough getting them in there too, but luckily their evenings are a bit slower than day. Rich enjoyed free beer they have on tap for clients. He said the receptionist was helping herself to the free wine. lol We all used to do that from time to time when I worked there. The girl gave them great head massages with their shampoos. They came home happy and both enjoyed the experience. I was afraid the spa would lose business with so many opening in the area, but it seems to be doing very well.

I wish my body would co operate because I would love to work there again. But I don't think that is going to happen. I am working on detoxifying and building strength, but I have so many factors fighting any progression I make. As long as I work on it I hope to not get worse. The meds (and stress) have taken a big toll. I have to work twice as hard, and rest more often than before. I am determined to not let it take me down. Since I can't do physical work at a job, I am going to reopen my business. I found new avenues to take with it. I hope it works better this time.

I think I'll book some girl time at the spa for me and Meg now ...

;)

good news

I have been suffering from a migraine all day. Luckily it has eased up and I was able to enjoy laughter in a house full of love. Tyler was even over for a few hours. It's been a very nice evening. On top of it all I received some good news. Things couldn't be better.

I have been annoyed with a few things lately, but everything is coming together. I have let go of frustrations and am facing them head on. I realized I had to, and it seems to be working well. No one or nothing is ever going to control me again.

My angels are looking out for me. Rich and my family saw proof of it last week. I am a very lucky girl. I am often amazed at how truly blessed I am.

I am also very fortunate for wonderful friends. (yes Chris, I am aiming that mostly at you) I don't know what I would do without such wonderful people in my life. <3

The Scream

It looks as though Romeo is screaming for his life.

"get a breath mint"

I can't wait till we can get a camera. We have been having to use our phones for months now.

Zack won't let us take pictures of him.

I think Meg and I are going to hogtie him tomorrow for a few pics.

This photo is a collaboration between my daughter and I. She is a budding artist. I am a novice trying my best. I feel as if you can see her soul shine in this image.

Puzzles

Rich and I get in weird moods for puzzles once in a while. They are fun and relaxing ... and of course we always have to out do the other. :p I bought him a Mickey 1000 piece mosaic. It is making me crazy! The pieces are so small I can only work on it in small time limits. I had Meg search the house for a magnifying glass. It's so cheap it really doesn't help. I'm old and blind... lol.

This is the puzzle.

This is the close up of his eye area.

Textures

I am really trying to get painting textures down. It's not easy. I'll keep practicing. I think leaves are harder than anything!

New Brushes

I got some new brushes and created this image. I have more that I haven't had time to try out yet. I can't wait to see what I can do with them.

Having fun ...

I got a new Photoshop and played around on it today. I've been sick as a dog all week and still am low on energy. This was a fun thing to kill boredom. My beautiful daughter and handsome son make the art more interesting! <3

Path

Photo : Ginni Bennett

Photoshop Art: Ginni Bennett

Quote: Jim Rohn

So True ...

True goodbyes are the ones never said or explained.

More Fay photos

In between storm bands we ran out to see what we could see.

There wasn't alot of time so the photos are kinda crappy.

This is the lake overflowing.

You can see how it is only flowing our way... yay

This is looking down the path toward my yard.

Path behind the house. The woods are completely flooded.

Oh look... a plecostomus in my yard. He's freakin HUGE.

Blue Heron looking for a meal.

Zack and Rich trying to chase the fish back toward to lake. It would be a shame for them to die when the water recedes. :(

My feet. Yes, we went in and took showers. We know the water is dirty. Yes, I am in my pj's. I was comfy when Rich yelled for me to come see the fish. lol

Again, the house is fine. I still don't know if other neighbors down stream from this are effected. Many people in Brevard county weren't as lucky as we are. I have never seen this much rain here since I moved here in 1987.

*EDIT*

To give you an idea of what I am talking about, here is an over view of my neighborhood. I am the second cul-de-sac from the right. The 30 acre wildlife sanctuary is completely flooded from the lake on the right. The trail behind my house runs all around the woods. I am hoping the water rushing down it goes into the lake on the left and not the homes before it. :/

Under Water ...

TS Fay is dumping so freakin much water on Brevard! The lake by my house is overflowing and we are watching it stream down the path behind my house. Thank gawd my house is on an incline and is only a bit into my yard. I've lived here 16 years and have never had the lake overflow like this. The bad thing is Fay is being lazy and only moving at 3 miles an hour. It will be pounding us for at least another day. Luckily we have no damage to our home or yard. Just a bunch of dead palm branches to pick up... but hey.. that is a good thing. They needed to be cut down anyway. The only bad thing is we are house bound. Our neighborhood entry is flooded and so is Wickham Rd. from I95 to Pineda. Zack and Rich ventured out down our street to check the flooding. They came back to report our neighbors on our street don't have damage. The two a'holes on our street did have some of their landscaping ruined and a tree down. So hopefully it will stay that way until she passes. This rain really needs to let up. When it does, we are going to venture to see where the lake flow is heading. The woods are already flooded, so I am hoping it is going to the lake on the other side. I just pray it isn't in some neighbors yard down the path. :(
I'll post pics of our new waterfront property when I can get out there without drowning my camera in this downpour.

Though the storm has me a bit worried about the lake flash flooding at any time, I have enjoyed having my big windows wide open watching the storm. We didn't have to board up because the winds weren't bad. I really need to get those clear hurricane panels for the bigger storms.

*edit*

Got some shots. Too much rain to get good ones.

This is the lake. I took this from my sons room. You can see it's filled to the brim. What I couldn't get is the view to the left where it is over flowing.

This is the closest I could get to the overflow of the lake without leaving my porch.

Here you can see how the lake has flooded the woods and draining back onto the path behind my house.

Closer shot

It's still raining. The news is showing flooding all over town. Fay is a wet little bitch! Sorry the pics are blurry. I didn't want to get the camera wet and the lens kept fogging up :

Going Away ...

... to Palm Beach for a few days. I can't wait. My parents are going to take us to lunch when we get there and we will hang out with them a bit before they head home. My mom raves about a place with huge scallops. I said I wanted to go there. :)

We have a condo on the end overlooking the ocean and the pool. When we were there last year we had a blast. The water is crystal blue, the beach not at all crowded. They have musicians by the pool and a pool bar and restaurant. You can rent anything there... boats, jet skis, kayaks... but I am looking forward to just having fun on the beach.

My mom called and set up a boat ride for the four of us on Thursday. It goes around all the waterways in Palm Beach. We get to see all the mansions and huge yachts. I think that will be fun. I hope I don't puke... lol. My equilibrium is shot. I get woozy just standing up. :p

I'm off to finish laundry and pack. I'm still exhausted from scrubbing the aviary this morning. Zack is going to help Rich fix the screen when he gets home from work, then the kids are off to spend time with their dAdA tonight. :)

Fly

Photo taken by: Julian Bennett

Photoshop Art: Ginni Bennett

fae of pink

Photo taken by: Audrey

Photoshop Art: Ginni Bennett

chaos

Back in town ...

... but completely exhausted. Zack, Meg and I did have fun, but between worrying about my mom and Zack getting sick, plus having a soon to be ex who is completely useless ... I am beyond my limits. Especially with the new information I received on him. I really had a hard time taking his denial of understanding the papers he filed and the other bullshit he spews and broke down while on the phone with him today. The pain is more than I can take ... his deceit never ends.

need new focus

I found a new less expensive server to move Faery Wings too. I also have been doing a lot of reading and going to promote it in different ways. I'm making a new blog to go along with it. I played around with this image to take my mind off things going on in my life.

anxiety

Everything was going so good... except for being broke. But I was handling that pretty well. I read something last night and my world came crashing in. I am so hurt. I had anxiety all night, and now break out into tears when things are quiet and my mind isn't occupied with something else. Everything gets to me when I get down like this. I wish lack of money was my only issue. I'm having a PET scan on Tuesday on top of everything else. All I keep thinking is I'm going to die during a very ugly time in my life.

Amazing story... and a rant ...

I find it amazing that the most courageous, inspirational people in our world get little to no recognition while the scum of our society are glorified in the press. The moral values in our society are all but nil and our politicians are as corrupt as corrupt can be.

How is it a saint such as Irena Sendler can go so unknown. Her heroism should be rewarded and known by all. Yet so few have ever heard of her. I had not heard of her until I saw this clip and then checked into her a bit deeper in astonishment. Yet Al Gore beats her out for the Nobel Peace prize with his global warming film. The biggest doofus on our planet. A man that has not one original idea. A man that used Hollywood to rise in popularity. A man that used fake footage stolen from a movie ... and he wins the Nobel Peace Prize. Our society truly has it's priorities backwards.

I do applaud going "green". I think we need to take care of our environment and do more to protect our health as well as the planets health. I do not believe nor have I ever seen evidence to prove there is global warming. Al Gore has made my stomach churn since he was Vice President. He makes it churn worse now. Please God don't ever let this creep run for President again.

Ok... my rant is over and I have gotten way off the subject here which is Irena Sendler. I'm sure she is getting the praise she deserves in heaven now. Too bad she didn't get it here on earth before she died. What an incredible woman she was.

Inspiration hit me from recent events in my life, so I made these ...

No, they are not my quotes... I just decorated them. :p

I am so proud ...

... of my babies! They worked so hard for the Cancer Foundation yesterday and are there again today! They worked from 10-4 yesterday, but shouldn't be there as long today. The CF is getting ready for a fundraiser so Zack and Meg had to fold around 3000 brochures, put those tape circles on 3 sides, print out the mailing labels and put those on too. lol There were two other teen boys there with them and every time Zack would bring another stack from the printer they would groan. *hehe* I asked if they wanted to work the check in tables with me and Rich the night of the event and they might do it. They have to have to have a certain number of volunteer hours to qualify for a scholarship I am having them try for... but I also want them to volunteer because it's the right thing to do.

I was telling Meg this morning I am signing us up to help with the set up of the ACS Making Strides walk. She asked what we would do. I said set up tents, tables, unload boxes of t shirts, and blow up balloons. We both remembered Zack HATES balloons and started to laugh. I pictured the event coordinator going up to him and saying... can you help fill balloons? Zack would scream.... noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! *hehehe*

Trying to get it together...

Making Strides is coming up. I'm trying to get a team together. This is the logo I made that will go on the team shirts. Knowing me I will probably change or tweak it before they are made... I'm never happy with what I do...





I'll be reopening Faery Wings soon and put that as a sponsor on the back of the shirt. A few recent events have made me realize I was too depressed to promote it, and I have a few doors opening.

I am also going to be doing some volunteer work for the Cancer Foundation. They are amazingly nice women who work there and gave me great information to get the help I need. Zack and Meg are going there this week to get volunteer hours. When I get a little money I'm going to donate items from Faery Wings for their auction.

It's past due time for a PET scan. I put it off because the co pay has gone up so high. But I need to get it done.

I'm so tired today. We all are. Just having a lazy day at home today after such a crazy busy day yesterday. I've been putting cold tea compresses and aloe on Zacks sunburn. My poor baby boy. Meg and Rich have headaches from all the crazy rides they went on. Serves them right for being such daredevils. lol I'm thankful Rich loves to ride roller coasters. I used to love them, but chemo has fucked my body up and I get sick as hell with most any motion now. I even had to sit in the stationary seats in Shrek 4D. I've become pathetic.

Thank God for Chris. We sat in air conditioning and sipped drinks while the daredevils played. Thank goodness for the wimpy rides too so I could have some excitement. Thank you Chris for such a great birthday gift. We had a blast. You are an amazing friend. It was exactly what I needed. Another huge thank you goes to your friend who got us VIP passes. It was so awesome to be able to go to the front of the line and not have to wait for anything! When people would look at us with our badges I kept thinking I would tell them Meg was a FORD model. (well she is!) lol I wish my camera wasn't broken so I could have some pictures of the day... especially when we were under Hulk looking up and Rich and Meg upside down! I had a great time and can't WAIT till Harry Potterland (or whatever they are going to call it) opens "next fall". lol

I hope we didn't wear you out too bad. I know I zoned out a few times, and didn't think I'd make it. But after our rests in air conditioning I felt better. I'll probably be in bed most of tomorrow too. But it's a price I'm willing to pay for having such a blast.

*cries*

I give up. I just fucking GIVE UP! I can't take anymore.

crawling back in bed...

I don't feel good at all. I can't even swallow. Not only is my throat sore, but when I swallow it hurts the left side of my face ... especially my ear. I am completely drained. I may get in the shower and just let the hot water run over me first. That should soothe my aching body. I wish I had a big tub to soak in.

To Infinity and Beyond...

Buzz Lightyear finally made it back into space with the help of the space shuttle Discovery. I had no idea when the launch went off Saturday that Buzz was on board. You can watch videos about it HERE. I love the one where he meets Buzz Aldrin and goes through his space tests ;) On nasa.gov there is an interactive where you can get transmissions, mission updates, and play games. I find this quite fun.

What I found more exciting (sorry Buzz) was looking at all the info about the Phoenix Mars Lander. The pictures are amazing.

With the shuttle fleet retiring in 2010, they are in a frenzy to get the ISS completed. It may be 5 years after the fleet is retired before the new spaceship Orion is ready. I am going to miss those launches terribly. It's going to be a long 5 years.

If Orion is made to do what they say, the we will be back on the moon and also have man land on Mars! Hopefully they can improve on that technology and go further. How is that for ... to infinity and beyond? :)

That time again...

... it's time to get a team together for Making strides.

I couldn't get it together last year. It was the first time in 3 years that I hadn't been there. I was lost and couldn't get motivated. I have to pull it together for this year. My team used to be called the Rock n Roll Rebels, but I was thinking of something new... I just don't know what.

If I could get Faery Wings switched to the new server and actually make money (that usually helps) I would love to sponsor the team with matching t shirts. I am also thinking of having a $50 Rave gift card for the team member who raises the most money. I have to get my teen walkers registered to work the event to get volunteer hours too. It's always been at BCC. This year it will be at the Avenues. I think that will be more fun.

I need to go register and make my team web page... I just need a bit of time to decide to keep the name or come up with something new. Most teams either have boob related names or names that go with their company. The first year I used the name I had the neighborhood kids that were walking with me and we had to come up with something the boys could handle. lol That will still be a consideration since they will still be with me. :p

tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrred

I am in complete exhaustion mode. For a normal person, what I have done in the past week would be normal routine. For my weak body, it's overkill. I need to build strength before I have none left. :/

Been busy

I have been so busy the past few day. The kids and I scrubbed the house from top to bottom. It was a mess! My sister came into town yesterday. I completely forgot she was coming. My mom reminded me on Wednesday. Meg and Lindsey had the boys over last night to watch scary movies. They left around 11 and I came out to get the scoop. lol Meg really likes him alot. They have been dating over a week now. whoo hoo. Tanner asked Lindsey to date him last night. So the best friends are officially both dating twins now. ;) Zack came back in the room with me and Rich a couple of times but mainly played xbox live all night. We all randomly took turns going to the kitchen so we could check up on them. lol

I need to go wake the girls up. Meg has pets and my sister wants to go shopping. I guess I get to watch other people shop today. No money what so ever.

I'm so tired. My body just can't take much anymore. I need to try and not over do it today, because if I end up sick in bed tomorrow I will just die. I really want a fun day with my babies.

True Loves Kiss?

lol

I finally sat down and watched Enchanted today. What a cute movie!
My head hurt so bad... it's been hurting for days on end... so I decided to take a break from what I was doing and crawled into bed, got comfy and watched it. I'm glad I did. Isn't it amazing who we think is our prince turns out not to be and someone better for you comes along? Life is weird that way.

I also got a chance to go see Iron Man last weekend. Both my kids were going and I was kinda bummed I didn't have the money to see it. Rich came home and had $25 in his pocket. Someone gave him that as a tip for a ready to mow job. No, he normally doesn't get tips, and if by chance he does it never is that much. He wanted to see it as bad as I did so we splurged! It was one of the best movies I've seen in a very long time. I was rooting for Robert Downey Jr. the actor as much as I was for the character he was playing. He has been through so much. I really hope this revives his career. Gawd he was hot too! *hehe*

Of course Rich and I went to a different time then Meg. She and Lindsey had dates with twins. We wouldn't want mommy around for a date would we? I spent most of the week telling her Rich and I would sit in between them (thinking all the while I couldn't afford to go). But it was fun telling them I was excited about our "triple date". Now the boys are coming here Friday night for movie night. They are going to rent something scary and Rich and I have strict rules to stay in my bedroom with our own movie. Rich's first reaction was ... hell no I need access to the kitchen! Meg of course said bring lots of food and drinks back there with you. LOL The child has no clue what we have planned. Like I am going to leave four 14 year olds unattended... right. I told her I was going to plop down between them when the movie starts. (lol ...I'm not really that mean, but she thinks I am) And Rich and Kurt had something cooking last night. I think they are planning on scaring then during the movie. LOL Torturing your kids makes life fun. ;) Lord only knows what big brother will do hen he gets back from his night out. *hehehe*

Off to rest my head again.

Monster

Demons

I was running errands listening to my Godsmack Faceless CD.

Today, this song took on a whole new meaning to me.

I dedicate this to someone I used to know ... that I don't think is there anymore.

Releasing The Demons

What do you see in the dark when the demons come for you?

If only you could have seen how fucked up my life used to be;

then everything starts to change, supposedly healing my pain.

I never thought I'd feel this way.

I never thought that I'd see the day I'd run away from anything or anywhere or anyone.

Its all these demons haunting me,

it’s all these little things trapped inside of me,

releasing me from all my sin.

Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together. Releasing the demons again.

And now I look through my minds eye and see where my past needs to rest.

Its always disturbed by these voices, that echo inside of my head.

Another way that I can hide,

another reason to crawl inside and get away from everything and everywhere and everyone.

NO! Its all these demons haunting me,

it’s all these little things trapped inside of me releasing me from all my sins.

Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together.

Releasing the demons....again (again).

Facing the days as I grow into my own, loving and hatings the same.

And three-fold I told you it comes back with laughter, over and over again.

Its coming back.

Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, to learn how my life came together.

Releasing the demons again

gone

I don't even know what to write. Just... I'm gonna be gone for a while.
I cried all night. I can't stop.

uuuuggghh... I feel like crap...

I was already exhausted. The long drive to Hilton Head in spring breakers and snowbirds heading back up north after Easter traffic, and quick one day vacation before heading home about killed me. We did have fun though.

We pretty much hung out on the beach all day Saturday. It was beautiful. Dolphins were playing just offshore for hours. The beach up there is just gorgeous. I was going back and forth between being under an umbrella and not. I just can't handle the sun like I used to. We went on a really long walk with my sister and her husband. We came really close to walking the 2 miles down the beach to my parents other condo, but turned around with about a half mile to go. I love the beach better at that condo, but love the area and marina and actual condo unit better at the new place. They are looking at buying a huge 2 story condo there at Shelter Cove. My cousins rented it last summer when we all got together. It was beyond amazing. I hope they get it. Rich, the kids and I are going back this summer and then again at Christmas next year.

Anyway, back to being on the beach. We went back after taking a break for lunch. We were just being lazy relaxing in the sun talking and laughing when a cool breeze started blowing. It was refreshing in the hot sun. Out of nowhere the wind kicked up whipping sand. It was ice cold! People were running gathering there things, umbrellas were flying down the beach, everyone packed up and left. I was amused with the chaos and noticed Rich and my sister still sitting also wrapped in their towels and not moving. After about 10 minutes of being battered I asked my sister what she wanted to do. She said she didn't care she was fine staying. We were all covered in goosebumps and it was getting colder by the second. I thought.... I asked the wrong person. I then asked Rich what he wanted to do. He said ...let's go. I suggested the hot tub back at the condo. They liked that idea. Steve met up with us at the hot tub. We stayed there and talked for quite a while. After that we showered and went down to the shops and ate at the Mexican place on the harbor. It was great food. Then we bundled up wanting to continue enjoying our only day there and walked to boardwalk area. It wouldn't have been so cold if the wind wasn't so strong...lol. We had a blast anyway. Rich even found a hard to find car for his Pixar Cars collection. We are like two kids in a toy store. :p We went back up to the condo and sat with Val and Steve chatting for hours before we all were so exhausted we went to bed.

On the drive home Sunday I got to drive my new car. I hated not being with Rich but we had fun following each other and talked on the phone alot. We stopped at the outlet mall in St. Augustine to see what they had on sale. I love the curtains my mom bought me from there and wanted to find some for my living room. We ended up wandering the whole mall. We get distracted easily. When we got back to Brevard we stopped at a car wash and washed and vacuumed my dad's car and my new one. We dropped by my parents house and thanked them for letting me use their
car so much. By the time we got home my babies were already there. It was good to be home. They love my new (used) car and Zack is thrilled to have my Grand Am. :)

Rich came home from work yesterday with a stomach bug. Now on top of being exhausted I am feeling queasy and my stomach hurts bad. I saw what he went though. I hope mine doesn't get that bad!!!

I dealt with this long enough...

Was he showing off for someone with him? Does he not remember 3 days earlier? Is he covering for not talking with him?

Can someone please tell me how you can have a conversation with someone for about an hour on Thursday, both equally concerned about someone you love, share stories and concerns, agree that he will talk with this person when he is with him over the weekend to see if he can figure out what is bothering him ... then when I call Sunday night... I get screamed at and accused of all sorts of things. Here is the short version of what I simply asked ... Did you talk to him?.... "yeah". Well did you find out anything? Is he ok? ... "What does it matter? Why do YOU have to know?" Well when we talked the other night, we were both concerned and you agreed to talk to him.... "What, did you grill him for information when he got home and he gave you attitude so now you are grilling me?" No, I just came to you with my concerns and I thought ...

I just cried and said I didn't need his crap and hung up. I should have known he wouldn't have a talk with him. I should have known I couldn't go to him as a co parent with my concerns. Why do I continue to bother?

Tribute

Thank you Tharikifa so much for making this beautiful tribute to our Nightbreed. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you also for including me in the quotes. I feel honored.

not feeling well ...

I really need to make a doctors appointment when I get back from SC. I haven't felt right for almost two weeks now. I also didn't react well to my last chemo treatment. I am so fatigued, bloated to where my face looks freaky and I can't wear my rings. I feel like I am breathing through a tube, and my blood feels like it is racing through my body. :-/ On top of that my ankle never healed from when I fell out of the attic a few months back. It has a big swollen knot that grows and shrinks depending on how much I am on it.

The thought of driving 6 hours each way for such a short time is making me tired thinking about it. But I'm excited to get a new (used) car to drive. I hope my son gets a job soon to pay the insurance on my car that I am giving him. Gawd I hate freakin about how I'm going to pay for things.

RIP

As hard as these pictures are for me to look at, I thought I'd repost them from Peter's Blog. Peter took these at Fort Snelling National Cemetery.

I believe the flower arrangement in this picture is the one my friends at the WMA bought.

It looks as though he went out in style. Just as he would have wanted.

Rest in peace, my dear friend. You will never be forgotten.

looong drive ...

I'm so exhausted. Zack had a casting in Miami this morning. We left well before the sun came up. 6 hours of driving for 5 minutes of being seen. I really hope he gets it, but I'm heading to Hilton Head this weekend to pick up my sisters car. She's letting me make payments to her for it, then Zack can have mine. We have to go back out again tomorrow to find him a job! I can't afford insurance for two cars on my own. So, I hope if he gets this modeling job it shoots at least no sooner than next week, I can't handle too many trips in one week. And where the heck am I gonna get gas money for all this? Why do I do the things I do??? *sigh*

FW Widget

I worked on a widget to get my mind off of things. I was too worn out from running around town all day to do anything fun tonight. Tomorrow I'll be in Orlando. My daughter planned her own play day with her friends. Thank gawd they are paying their own way. Me and Chris can just veg and sip coffee while the girls goof off.

Anyway, here's my widget. I hope it works. I was so freakin confused making this! ...lol

Heartwarming....

An old friend of mine whom I lost touch with over stupid things I don't even remember spent the last few days drawing this gorgeous picture. She really captured not only Kip's image but emotion too.

I wish she had signed it! Maybe she will send me a newer version with her signature.

*hint hint*

Thank you for sharing this gorgeous tribute to Kip with me.

More on Kip ...

I have found a few things about Kip online. The most interesting is this blog from Bible Money Matters . It is an old colleague of Kips who wrote about him. I find it ironic that one of his memorials would be in a Christian based blog. He would find that amusing too.

His obituary guestbook is already getting posts, and one brought me to tears. The one thing that holds true about him is he had the outer intimidating exterior. If he didn't like someone... they knew it. He didn't hold back. But he had a heart of gold and was the most loyal friend to have. He was a truly amazing guy with a personality bigger than life. He was someone that could never be ignored.

There are a couple of topics on the WMA about him too.

I would give anything to have the money to get to that funeral on Friday. It's going to take me a good long while to recover from this loss. I will never forget him. He will always be in my heart.

**edit**

Maureen sent me another link she found. (thanks girlie!)
He looks so young and clean cut!

Another link



To add a bit of lightheartedness, I want to share this Photoshopped image Melissa (Sachi) made a few years back.

Gia and Kip at the prom

My baby is growing up...

HAPPY 14th BIRTHDAY to my sweet baby girl!

Loss of a friend

I didn't think this weekend could get worse.
I got a call earlier that a dear friend of mine passed away this afternoon. He had pneumonia and ended up dying from Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. I am numb, yet in excruciating pain. We used to be so close for years, but because of a few little tiffs, we drifted apart the past couple of years. If there were only a way to erase the stupid things we do in life. We are both Gemini. Both have hot tempers and tons of love to give. Both wore out hearts on our sleeves. When we had good times, they were great. When we clashed... everyone ran for cover. Please, God forgive me for the mean things I said to him. His friendship meant the world to me. He had a tough metal exterior, but he was soft and sweet on the inside. He had a good heart and soul. Please take care of him. He will be missed greatly.
To anyone reading this... treat those you love like they are special every day.
Kip Allan aka NightbreedRest in peace my dear friend.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH

Stupid lying game playing assholes can kiss my fuckin ass! I have had it.

I am completely and totally distracted today. I can't seem to focus on anything except goofy emails and this kind of stuff ...

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true. Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Would Choose Love

Money may buy a little happiness, but not the happiness of true love. You rather have a true soulmate than a private jet. And while many people may claim they would choose love too... You're one of the few who would really do it.

Would You Choose Love or Money?

yeah ... I think so... but the last question I wished for both answers but could only choose one. That one was hard. I'm sick of bill collectors, not having anything left 5 minutes after putting a check in the bank ... wondering if I'll have enough to get food for the week. :/

Your Love Number is 6

Who you fall in love with is all about who you trust. Loyalty is important to you, and you want the most faithful of lovers. In return, you never let your heart or eyes wander. Open and honest, your relationships tend to be free of secrets.

What Is Your Love Number?

Well this one is true with my new relationship anyway.

piccies ...

I was hoping to have pictures of the shuttle launch last night. But after getting up at 2:15 am we saw the brilliant glow of take off ... it's like a sunrise ... then NOTHING! Thick clouds blanketed the sky and we were left standing in the dark disappointed.

So I am posting pictures of the beautiful sunset I took from the roof of my parents condo this past weekend.